Training To Be A Jackass | ✓

Chapter forty-eight | For The Sake Of My Sanity

Chapter forty-eight | For The Sake Of My Sanity

As the front door banged closed, I stopped mid-motion. My eyebrows furrowed further as the loud ring of glass crashing echoed. Placing the lipstick back on the counter, I ran down the stairs.

"Dad?" I called out, moving my eyes all around.

Instead, my eyes landed on the slumped form of my sister. Lea was leaning against a wall with the family photograph crashed on the floor.

My gasp followed as my eyes scanned the cracked glass. With glinting and sharp pieces littered all around, a smiling family peeked beneath the harsh edges.

"What the fuck did you do?" I screamed, running to the fallen photograph.

The glass crunched beneath my heels, breaking into a million pieces.

Lea just grunted and remained slumped against the wall. Her eyes were closed as the heavy stench of alcohol and weed surrounded her.

Carefully, I shook off the glass from the image and gave it a look.

For a moment, I was thankful that Dad was out to visit his friends when this happened.

I placed the photograph on the table and ran to the kitchen.

As I returned with a duster, and dustpan in my hand, Lea had moved from her spot.

Clutching the broken frame tightly in her hand, she focused the stare on our family.

I didn't bother saying anything as I cleaned up the glass pieces. My eyes kept flickering her way as she didn't move an inch as I worked.

"You need to stop this stuff, Lea. Do you even realize what you are doing? Thankfully, Dad wasn't here to witness you high as a kite," I admonished in exasperation.

"Your dad is home?" Her voice was lacking any emotion as she refused to look away from the photograph.

I didn't miss the way she referred to him as my father, not hers.

"Where have you been lost, Lea? He has been home for three days."

She went silent for a moment, still gazing at the image. As a drop of water landed on the photograph, she hastily wiped others away.

"You ruined my family," she cited, turning around.

Her brown eyes were blazing fire with red rims all around. She raised an accusatory finger my way, pushing me back slightly.

I shook my head vehemently, not letting her words get to me this time. I would not let her belittle me again.

Lea was not going to make me feel guilty about something, which wasn't my fault.

"No. I didn't." My voice was stronger than I expected it to be.

For a moment, she froze at my admission. Her eyes still held a look of disdain but with hints of surprise. It was as if she was seeing a new me.

Her lips curled in a sadistic smirk.

"No matter how much you deny the truth, it will not change. Your very existence is the reason why Mom left us. If you hadn't been born, then mom would have never abandoned us."

My temper flared as her words chipped away some of my defense. I crossed my arms, keeping my face impassive.

"It is you who has been living in a delusion. Nothing of what happened to Mom was my fault. Get it through your head," I hissed.

She opened her mouth to retort or maybe fire some insults my way, but I cut them off.

"Throughout my life, you have done nothing but made me feel like shit. Bullied me to no end for something I never had a hand in. Mom's depression wasn't something I caused."

Tears streamed down my eyes as my heart wept in pain. I let my emotions burst out, the ones I had kept locked for years.

My pain because of her constant jabs, my anguish because of her lack of love, and my betrayal because of her lack of trust, all of them flowed out mercilessly.

The scars in my mind and heart were ripped open again, vulnerable as they oozed out with my emotions.

A mirthless laugh escaped her lips, hurting me again to no end.

"You are truly pathetic if you think that your words will make me believe you."

With the back of my hand, I wiped away the tears from my cheeks, not letting her have the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I had managed it all these years, and I could control them one more time.

"Yes, I am pathetic. Pathetic for never standing against you and taking all the hate you offered. But not anymore." My voice stern as my glassy eyes focused on her. "I don't care if you accept the truth. I have nothing to prove to you. What matters is the ones I care about know the truth, and most importantly, I know the truth. You are free to live in your misconception where your hate is making you bitter. But I will no longer be part of that falling world."

With that, I turned around on my heels, leaving her behind open-mouthed.

For the first time in my life, I could stand up fairly against my sister without dropping down to her level.

It feels damn good, doesn't it?

My sister was frozen on her spot, staring at the space I vacated.

With a sigh, my shoulder slumped as some words echoed in my mind.

"You know, someone told me that forgiveness, not for the other person but yourself. For the sake of your conscience, sanity, and peace."

Her eyes moved to my face as mine softened in intensity. As the pent-up pain left my body, my shoulders felt lighter, and my mind felt calmer.

"So, for the sake of my sanity, I forgive you. For whatever you did and whatever you will, I forgive all of it. This is my conclusion with you."

With that, I averted my eyes and continued up the stairs.

Not even one noise followed my words as they froze her to her bone, rooted on the spot with sheer shock.

As I entered my room, my eyes flickered to my window. I faintly registered the bang of the front door as the glittering snow gained my attention.

Even the beautiful spectacle of nature wasn't able to hold my attention as his window curtains parted.

Icy eyes met mine, looking more breathtaking than anything I had ever seen.

My heart warmed with a pleasant feeling as my stomach fluttered. Even if he didn't know what went down, his eyes still held a look of pure adoration and pride.

And for the first time in years, I felt this happy and light.