Shattered

Chapter 51

I was at home showering in the shower with warm water running out of the spout head, feeling clean always made me feel better instead of being coated in filthy germs which were impossible to see with our human eyes. It was like a reset button, the moment you are able to wash away any of the stress of the day, discarding everything that has been on your mind for a short period of time. If I were able to shower for hours without my fingers pruning and wasting water from just standing there allowing it to run, then I would definitely make it a habit to do it just to allow myself to relax.

Our house was pretty much empty except for the maids who were doing whatever they are, my driver was here waiting until we go back to the hospital. Allowing my dad and Skye to have some alone time with each other before me, Leo and Nathan go visit him. My two boys were thoughtful and left me a plate of breakfast with a little note, they made me some French toast. Hope you enjoy breakfast, we can't wait to see you later! We love you. There was an added smiley face at the end which I knew for sure was Leo's because of the way he drew it, always has to add a tongue on one side just like the emoji on my phone he adores so much. It was so thoughtful of them to make me this which was eaten very quickly, cleaning up my dish before heading upstairs to shower which leads me to now.

Standing in the hot water was weird, especially when my body still felt cold with goosebumps on my skin. In the shower you have these crazy thought and think of the unthinkable within that time. Looking over my body at my scar on my lower abdomen without thinking I placed my hand over it, running my fingers along the line of skin that has healed. Sometimes I wish that I was able to birth Leo naturally, it's a difference that doesn't seem bad when having a c-section.

At least these few days where it permitted me to think a little made me think of what I really want. I know I do want more kids with Nathan, he'll be happy to hear that but it won't happen right away until it is the right time.

After the longest period of time I switch off the water to get ready, stepping out onto the shower mat placed at the shower door. Looking at the mirror which was all fogged up told me that the water was hot and has been running for awhile. Drying myself with my cotton grey towel then moisturizing my skin, wrapping my towel around me to walk into the closet for my outfit.

So many clothes that I could go through and clear out some items that I don't wear and donate them. Choosing to wear jeans with a baggy black sweatshirt since I wasn't in the mood to change into something nicer. Looking in the mirror to my reflection didn't seem that bad, my colour was still in my skin and I have been eating which kept my weight neutral. This is the first time that I haven't fallen off the wagon into a sorrowful state, not having to go to work everyday due to my mental health leave let me pay attention to myself.

Looking behind me after hearing something it was Ollie walking into the room with me, going on my knees to pet him he came to me and was happy. Jumping up on me with excitement while plastering small licks on me, "hi Ollie, how are you?" Ruffling his soft fur a little. "I know, I've been gone, I'll be back soon." Talking to the dog who couldn't respond back to me.

Getting up from the ground when it seemed like time for me to leave, making sure that everything was put back in place neatly and perfectly. I fill Ollie's bowl with food to remove one task off of the maids to-do list for the day. Exiting the door my driver was waiting outside with the black car, "hello Mrs. Peterson."

"Hello, how are you today?" I step into the car and he closes it behind me going rapidly to the driver's seat.

"I am good, how are you Mrs. Peterson?"

"Not too bad," my eyes stare out the window as we drive.

We arrived at the hospital which seems to get more and more overwhelming every time I have to visit somebody I love that is occupying one of these rooms. It looked more busy just as it usually does, throughout the day it gets more hectic which is one way to describe it, other people can probably think of many other words. The temperature remained the same with the freezing cold atmosphere that called for long pants and sweaters.