Shattered

Chapter 55

I started this story with a bang and now it's going to end with a bang. I'm not spoiling anything, sorry, a few of you been asking me questions of what's coming. Please don't take it to heart that I am not telling you. Just want you to enjoy the ride!

Love you guys!

It's been three weeks since the burial of my father, speaking with specialists we have now established that I am now in the stage of acceptance over his death. They have been keeping in touch with me just to make sure that everything is alright, when you pay a lot of money you hope to get the best treatment.

That's what I have been receiving, it's noon which means that lunch is coming then dinner. It's just counting days for however long this lack of my dad's presence will last. Nathan has been going into work for business conferences and meetings for his upcoming projects in Dubai and here. Most of his schedule is filled with preparations while working closely to Larissa, my paranoia has been driving me insane and I don't want to be the jealous type that prevents their husband from doing anything.

Late nights at the office spending his time working with her, coming home to sleep with me and not having any conversation about my dad was scaring me. Why isn't he speaking about anything that happened?

The blazer in his car would still haunt me every night and pictures of him being with her made me feel upset, being able to imagine them together so easily was the most horrifying part. If you think of all the traits they have in common it would make sense, they work in the same environment, they understand the work stress, she is beautiful, she is sweet and kind. Larissa made some food and brought some over after my dad's burial. She seems like the perfect choice for him now. It's also saddening when you realize and noticed that you haven't had any sexual intimacy with your partner. It's been what? A month now?

Remembering how me and Nathan had gotten to where we are, the one thing that I mustn't do is assume all these things about him. Predictions are getting more difficult to shut out from my mind with my constant overthinking of him and it's like walking on glass that is bound to shattered into an uncontrollable mess. Sitting in bed in shorts and a tank top just feeling partially empty inside, my emotions have been fluctuating a few times, overall it had to do with all the grieving.

My therapist has recommended me to try to take up a hobby to help express how I feel, drawing has made its way into my routine although my art products aren't the best. My first session with her was just me sitting in the room not saying anything just staring at my hands away from her, when seeing a professional, being vulnerable to someone was the hardest obstacle to overcome. Seeing her more throughout the week from Nathan's insistance helped break the ice, I started to let my walls crumble for her to hear me out.

Being able to relieve myself of the heavy weight that was compressing me every second of the day was relaxing, there were tears that were shed and she was there to assist me every step of the way.

With conversations that began mainly about my father soon turned into discussions about work, kids, my life and one of the most important people in my life, Nathan.

By the time we had gotten to the eighth session she was caught up with our whole life story, telling me to discuss my paranoia with him which was harder then you would expect.

Trying to let something out is definitely easier said then done.

Grabbing my sketch pad and pencils to quickly sketch my thoughts, the end result was two rapidly sketched people. A woman most likely representing me in my situation looking at the man who has his back facing her. If someone asked me to explain what's going on, that's what's happening, a perfect canvas to illustrate it. The perplexity in my shoes, wanting to speak up yet only being faced with a barrier.