Spiraling

Chapter 6

After a night in the hospital, your doctor cleared you to leave. Your injuries weren't that bad, nothing that an IV and antibiotics couldn't fix. But you weren't sure it was going to be that easy with your crumbling friendship with Spencer. Things were complicated already, then you lashed out at him and whatever Rory said sure didn't help. What did he mean he saw the way he looked at me? Maybe you could talk to Emily she might know something.

You pleaded with Hotch to get back to work as quickly as possible, mentally you were fine to work, you just couldn't be in the field yet because of the doctor's orders. So, desk duty, paperwork and helping Garcia out any way you could it was. You grew closer to her every day; your talks were always fun when you didn't have to think about serial killers. Surprisingly, your kidnapping didn't leave you with any more trauma than you already had, you coped with it the way you usually do and things were... okay.

Spencer's demeanor had changed a bit lately towards you. He was more distant and you didn't know exactly why. Rory's words kept haunting you. What did he mean?

One night where it was just you and Spencer left in the office your curiosity got the best of you.

It was the first time that you had a proper conversation with him after the incident. You realized that a lot can happen in a week and a half.

You limped over to his desk and he didn't notice you as he was hyper-focused on the new case the BAU was investigating, trying to analyze the information as best he could.

"Spencer, um. We need to talk."

He paused what he was doing.

"What about?"

"I'm sorry I lashed out at you a week ago, it was extremely unprofessional."

"Oh, that's okay. It happens."

You were sitting on his desk staring back at him, waiting for him to say something, which he didn't as he continued his work.

"Spence,"

He looked up.

"did you watch it?"

"Did I watch what- oh. Yeah, the whole team did. I'm so sorry y/n for what he did to you."

"Oh," your cheeks flushed a shade of red. So now they all knew and he sure wouldn't forget any time soon with his eidetic memory. You just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. You hopped off his desk instead.

For the first time in his life he was being quiet. Maybe you shouldn't have brought it up, just let it how it was. But you just couldn't. It was eating at you every time you looked at those scars on your leg and wrists.

Damn it. It was time to be bold. You turned in front of his desk, putting your hands on either side of the papers laid out in front of him.

"Spence. What did he mean by he saw the way you looked at me?"

He turned away from his work and came face to face with you.

"I don't know."

There was a pause between you two. You were staring at him trying to decode something from his facial expressions. You could tell he was hiding something.

"I know you're lying Spence. What did he mean? Please it has been bugging me all week."

"I can't do this right now."

Another silence. 

"Then when? Because all you've done this past week is ignore me at all times. I just want a simple answer, that's all." you were taunting him, wanting to get some information out of him any way you could.  

"Just shut up y/n." 

You raised your eyebrows. You never heard Spencer talk to you like that before. 

"First, you cry your eyes out and open up to me, then you pretend it didn't happen. On top of that you use what I told you in confidence against me because I tried to help you. Then you get kidnapped and you know what the nurse said- you could have died. Not because of Rory but because of what you took. And I can't lose you y/n. When I saw what he did to you I was filled with so much rage that I didn't know what I would do if I ever saw him. And to know he was stalking you all this time... I can't do this. I can't be your friend. I can't just stand there watching as you destroy your life, I know what it's like. But I can't."

There was a crack in his voice.

"If I ever lose you I don't know what I would do with myself. I love you y/n and I won't be here to see you dig your own grave."

He said those words with such anger and pain, meaning every single one.

You were left speechless, your mouth slightly agape.

He got up from his chair throwing his file in front of you. Angrily, he walked towards you on the other side of the desk.

You could feel his uneven breath on your neck, as you stood there, frozen.

"I guess that's my answer then."

Then you snapped back to reality. You turned around and your lips collided with his, pulling him closer by his tie. He didn't kiss back at first, as he was taken aback by your actions. He wrapped one hand around your waist and the other on was cupping your face. The kiss was hungry as if he was waiting for this moment for a long time. You felt like you were actually going to melt in his arms, afraid that you were going to lose him, you pulled him even closer, burying your hands in his curls.