Spiraling

Chapter 8

DISCLAIMER- I do not condone suicide and I am not trying to glorify depression/drug addiction in any sense.----  Getting that out of the way here's the rest of the story 😼

The next few days came and went in a blur. You were feeling extremely alone, keeping up a facade that you had no escape from. Every time you saw Spencer your heart raced from joy, then, you were being stabbed by guilt all over again. You decided it was time to make it stop.

In the morning, you reached in the back of your closet to reveal a knitted red sweater. It was your father's; the only thing you had left of him. You carefully folded it and took out a white paper bag to put it in. Before you did that, you took a small piece of paper and scribbled the words: I'm so sorry Spence, I loved you too. You took the paper and stuffed it in the folds of the sweater. 

That day, you were unusually warm at work, greeting everyone with a hug and smile. You gave Garcia a small box of vintage earrings you had that she complimented one time and said she wanted a similar set. 

"I can't take them y/n, they're yours."

"I insist. I don't wear them that much anyways Penelope and they look so good on you. Please, you helped me a lot these past few weeks that I couldn't go in the field it's the least I could do for you." 

"But-"

"No buts. Take them, they're yours." you smiled at her, as she hugged you tightly. 

She spoke giddily, "Thank you y/n, I will wear them to all the special occasions!"

At the end of the day, it was just Hotch and Spencer left in the office. You finished what paperwork you had left and made your way up the stairs to Hotch's office, knocking on the door. 

"Come in"

"Hi Hotch, I was just wondering if I could take a personal day tomorrow? I think I might be coming down with something, I'm not feeling well and it's probably for the best I don't get the rest of the team sick."

"Okay. Feel better Agent Y/l/n, don't be hesitant to call me if you need anything." 

"Thank you Hotch."

You started making your way out of his office before you paused in your steps, turning your gaze back to him.

"Hotch, you really are a great unit chief, the best one I've ever had. Thanks for taking care of the team."

He looked at you kind of confused at what you said, you weren't really the one to kiss up to authority and he knew that. 

"Uh, thank you, you too are a great agent."

You exited his office. 

"Are you leaving?" Reid's head shot up from his desk, glancing back at your figure. 

"In just a sec, I wanted you to have this first."

Going over to your desk and picking up the white paper back from under it you slowly made your way to Spencer, one last time. 

"Here, this is for you. I didn't have any time to get you a new one, I hope this is alright."

Giving him the bag, he peered into it, revealing the wool sweater. 

"You really didn't have to y/n."

"Nonsense."

He picked up the sweater to examine it a bit closer. He furrowed his eyebrows. 

"Y/n is this sweater your d-"

You interrupted him with a loving kiss on his lips. He reciprocated, as he tenderly pressed his hand onto your cheek. Pulling away, you looked into his eyes for a moment, feeling yours tear up a bit. I will miss those puppy dog eyes, you thought. You bit your lip. 

"Bye Spence," you whispered. Then you made your way into the elevator, looking back at your workplace, the one you spent countless hours in. It's gonna be okay, I'll finally get to see my dad again. 

You made your way into your apartment, and lied down on the sofa. You knew that deep down, this was wrong, it wasn't supposed to be this way. You were taught to be tough and to persevere. But you had realised you reached your breaking point, and there was no going back. 

So you downed the whole bottle.