Fighter | The Hunger Games

Chapter Twenty-Two

I awoke to find myself tucked neatly beneath my thick comforter, head resting upon my large pillow. I rubbed the sleep from my heavy eyes and sat up groggily; it took a moment to properly adjust to my surroundings. After fifteen days of waking up in nature it felt strangely odd to be in civilization.

The first thing I noticed was the absence of Jace. I felt my breath hitch in my throat as the memories from last night rushed over me. Had Jace really been here? Had he really helped me fall asleep? Or was it all just a dream? It was hard to distinguish real from fake nowadays but I wanted so badly to believe that everything I felt for Jace was real and that those feelings were mutual.

I turned my digital clock upright to see the time. It was six o'clock in the morning. Even my sleep schedule was abnormal. I sighed, restless, and attempted to turn back over in bed to no avail. Instead I rose and tip-toed into the kitchen where I made myself a mug of green tea and slid out onto the balcony, gently closing the glass door behind me. 

The morning sunrise was less stellar in real life than it was in the Games. It was just another emotionally taxing and minor detail that forced me to question every aspect of life. How sickening was it that the world was so corrupt? So underwhelming? I stared blankly at the partly cloudy sky that was now molding into pale blues and soft yellows. A small piece of recognition tugged at my heart. "This is your life" I whispered to myself, "you're going to have to remember how to live it." Already the sky looked a little brighter. 

I watched as the streets slowly came to life. One by one each Capitol citizen emerged from their apartment or home and took to the roads to begin their daily routines. It was calming to just be still and observe, no longer having to watch my back. It was the peace I never knew I needed. I suddenly understood why Jace had come to this exact spot for refuge multiple times. It was a break from the muddled mess of life.

I recalled the night before the Games when Jace and I sat here together. We had fought and screamed and yelled and then we had been vulnerable with each other. He promised me that he would never let anyone hurt me. He promised me that I wouldn't end up like Marie. He reminded me that love, hope, and courage triumph over every inconvenience in life. "The pain is worth it" I reminded myself as I stared down at a family complete with two young children; a girl and a boy, and two adults who held hands smiling. 

I felt the breeze on my neck and allowed myself to mindlessly watch the sun climb in the sky, warming me and igniting the busy city. I did not move once until I heard the door behind me pull open, breaking my trance. "Ah you're up early I see- that's a change" Ezra's voice made me smile and I turned to face him. "What can I say? I'm a new person!" I said half sarcastically. Ezra smiled at me in admiration. "Well sitting on the balcony drinking green tea is a new Avery, but the sense of humor is definitely the same Avery." 

He silently stood next to me for a few moments, leaning over the balcony and watching the scenery below. "The Capitol citizens have a half day of work so they can view the Hunger Games replay... Do you think you're ready?" He asked me in one of the most sincere tones I've ever heard. I shut my eyes for a minute unsure of whether he wanted an honest answer or a brushed over answer. I wasn't even sure what my honest emotions were.

"I've lived through it once and I never want to live through it again..." My voice trailed off cautiously. "But maybe it will offer me closure" I added quietly, not truly believing my own words. I didn't think it would offer me any closure, in fact it was quite the opposite; the recap would probably do more damage than good, opening wounds that I so desperately wanted to heal.

Ezra patted me on the back and I felt some comfort. He seemed like he understood. He always understood. "Well I've designed you an outfit that will make you look fierce. Tomorrow for your interview you'll be wearing a gorgeous gown, but today I want you to look like the warrior that you are. You've overcome a lot Avery. You've overcome the odds and that deserves recognition. Hold your head high out there." He lowered his eyes and then bent over to whisper in my ear "just zone out during the replay, picture your family, picture me, don't put yourself through the torture again." I smiled and nodded but in my heart I knew the replay of the Games was only a small reminder that no matter how hard I tried to tune everything out my attempts were futile. I would never escape the grip of the Hunger Games.