I Wanna Be Yours (Arctic Monkeys Fanfiction)

35) There's always a second chance.

A/N: If you listen to the song linked then this will sound better. or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3iCSnsBQs0. or look up Hammock - Ten Thousand Years Won't Save Your Life. Please?

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Alex's POV

At six o clock, Matt gave me a phone call. I declined so many others but he kept persisting. I pressed the phone up to my ear. "Ello Matt. Can't you fucking leave me alone? For a day at least?"

"Stop moaning. It's not Matt," a voice says lightly. Chills run down my spine, and the breath is knocked out of me. 

"Oh right, must be Nick then," I joke, whispering into the other end of the phone. "Is that you Jamie?" 

"Shut up," Leah laughs, but it's a bit broken. Something's changed in her voice. "You alright?"

"Where to begin," I mumble. 

The phone on the other end goes quiet a bit. Static. "You can start by coming down to the lobby."

My heart starts to beat in my chest. But I know I've done fucked it up. This is one of those 'I'm sorry I can't be with you anymore,' speeches. I stand up shakily and look in the mirror, I'm a mess. My hair is unruly and my face looks wretched, darker in the eyes, my jeans ripped and my t-shirt is stretched out and.... hardly presentable. I rub my eyes and take a deep breath, then head down to the elevator. 

It's cold on my feet and then I start to get hope.. maybe Leah is down there? Oh God, shut up Alex. Hope is what brought you destruction in the first place, and hope is what you got you here. I fix the collar of my shirt and wait until the doors open. 

Seconds pass. 

Hours. 

Days. 

...Months. 

But it was worth it. Her mouth is slightly parted and suddenly it hits me all over again, those green doe eyes and the knotty hair on her head, her converse beaten up and her shoulder bag tossed over her shoulder. There nervousness and the hurt in her eyes. I feel nauceous, waves hitting me. I swallow and step out of the elevator. 

One foot, the other. I stand so she's a metre away from me. My immediate reaction is to kiss her, to lift her off her feet, and images of her flash through my mind. The taste of her lips. My heart physically hurts. The realization that I did this... created this distance. I made her hate me and I deserve it, all of it. 

"Say something," Leah whispers. I see her eyes glaze over. 

I love you. I miss you. But nothing comes out; I know that if I tell her those things it will make it harder for her to say no to me, and I don't deserve her. So I say the only thing I can say. I want to step closer, but instead I stop myself but rubbing the back of my neck--the nostalgia of her fingers running on the back of my hairline hurt. "I understand."

She looks as if she was expecting me to say that. "Alex, you don't. Matt's been the best friend you could possibly imagine--you're lucky to have him as that and I didn't know about anything you had sent to me and I didn't know about all the things you felt and--Matt had told me about it. I didn't know about anything you wrote... until now."

Leah's flustered and it makes my heart speed every single goddamn time. "You... didn't?" I croak out. 

Something flickers in her eyes. "No. nothing." She starts to sniff. "Alex I--"

Please don't cry. Don't cry. I didn't know it was possible, but something crumbled inside me when I heard that. Knowing I can't reach out to hug her, to breathe in her scent. Feel her heart beat against my chest.