to neptune and back, still. // billie eilish

twenty-four

Katherine's POV:

I sat on her bed, feeling more nervous than I think I've ever felt before.

But it really kicks in when I hear Maggie's voice, talking to someone else.

"Someone's waiting for you in your room."

And then the footsteps.

And then the door opens.

Billie stops and looks at me, but she isn't exactly surprised.

"Hey." I say, but it comes out as just a noise because my voice is so shakey. "I texted you that I was coming but, I didn't realize you left your phone here."

I point to her phone, and she giggles. But, she's nervous too. I can tell.

"We need to talk about court." I say, because she still hasn't said anything.

"Yeah. But, we also need to talk about us."

I wasn't expecting that.

"I'm sorry." I say, but tears already start coming out. I'm such a crybaby. I hate it.

She sits next to me, placing her palm on my knee.

"I should've talked to you. I should've sat down and explained my feelings. But, instead I blew up and I gave you no chance to speak and I didn't give you one bit of closure. And, I'm sorry about that."

I didn't know what to say, so I just sigh.

"I love you." I say.

But she doesn't say it back, and I don't know why.

"Court is tomorrow." She says, instead.

"I know, I could shit my pants. I'm so scared."

~

We sat and talked for hours about everything. We talked about communication and I gave my side of the story and she gave hers. We expressed our feelings and emotions and we compromised.

We both can't live without each other.

But for now, maybe we need to.

That doesn't mean we will, though.

"We need to work in communication. I need to work on expressing my feelings and listening. But I can't be without you. We can work on those while working on ourselves but I don't want to lose you." Billie says, laying her head on my shoulder.

"I agree."

So, that's it. Back together.

I guess.

"I don't know what this means for our relationship status." I say, but I regret saying it immediately.

"I don't know either."

God, this is so confusing.

"I want to be able to call you mine again. I love you. I don't see myself with anybody except you. I feel like right know we are toxic and we aren't keeping each other's feelings in mind when we talk. But, will you be my girlfriend, for the millionth time?" She says, which clears things up I guess.

"Of course."

We both kind of sit up and just look at each other. And when I see her I see love. I see happiness and pink skies and everything good. No matter what happens I never want to lose that perspective of her. But as long as I see her that way, no argument is worth losing her.

I lay in her lap, stroking her skin with my thumb.

"What happens if an argument ruins our relationship again?" I say.

"I'm starting to think our arguments are whats gonna be the death of us."

"Me too."

We stay silent again for a while. I think about what that means.

Does it mean if we argue one more time we're done? I don't get it. I don't want to constantly sit and worry about not arguing because it might rip her from my hands.

"Come with me on tour." Billie says, looking down at me.

"Billie, you know it isn't going to work. It never does." I sigh, playing connect the dots with the freckles on her arm. "My dad really needs me."

"I really need you." Billie says.

"You know that isn't fair."

We both do. I cant leave my dad for a girl who left my life so easily a few days ago. I cant run around the globe following a girl. But I want to.

"My dad is talking about going to a 6 month rehab facility. It's like a mental hospital but for addicts. I'm not even allowed to visit him." I say, trying to talk about tour more.

"What if you just go to the US tour with me? You'll be home in time to see your dad when he's back."

"Leaving home to travel the world is so scary Billie."

"I got you." She says.

She always makes me feel so safe. I think if I was with her for the rest of my life I would never need anything else. I wouldn't meed therapy or medications. She makes me feel better than anything else.

"I'll talk to my dad about it."

"For real?" Billie says, smiling like a little kid.

I stick my pinky out for a pinky promise, and she kissed her pinky before intertwining it with mine.

"Pinky promise. I'll try my hardest to come support you."