"I've never said it but you know I love you. Why do you keep pretending to be blind to that?"
The words keeps replaying in my head as I try to drift to sleep. I've been lying here for hours but her words keeps invading my head.
Maybe I deserve to be restless so I can think about everything I did; breaking her heart and all the pain I caused her. Lord knows I deserve so much more suffering for everything I put her through.
It's 2am but I don't think I'll be able to sleep soon. My heads has been trained to the ceiling for so long that I'm starting to see white specks appearing before my eyes. The silence is so loud, it's almost deafening.
It hurts knowing that Lisa thinks I fail to see her love for me, but I do. I see it. It's in everything she does and right now, I want nothing else than to reassure her that all her efforts of expressing her feelings didn't just go to waste.
The first time I truly felt her love was when she flew eleven hours to Paris from her photoshoot in LA just to assure me that everything will be okay the next day, when I attend Paris Fashion Week for Chanel.
I looked calm and collected during the fashion show but the truth was, I was a wreck the days prior to it. It was my first time attending a high end, exclusive fashion show and I didn't know how people would take me, I was worried what the press would say. I was doubting myself real hard and I ranted all about it to Lisa on the phone when it was seven at night in Paris and four in the morning in Los Angeles.
"What time is your call time again?" I asked after I dumped all my worries to her. I became aware that we weren't in the same countries and were in fact in different time zones.
"Six."
"Am or pm?"
"Am."
I unconsciously looked at the time. Seven pm. "What time is it over there?"
"Four."
"Am or pm?"
"Am."
"What the hell, Lisa!? It's four in the morning and you have a shoot in two hours. Why are you not asleep?"
"Because you called."
This idiot. "You didn't need to pick up."
"I know." Her voice sounded so calm and low as opposed to my aggressive one. "But I did."
Her soothing voice calms me down. I released a sigh. "I should let you go back to sleep then."
"No, I'm up now. Just talk to me." She was right. Once she wakes up, it would be close to impossible for her to get back to sleep.
The day after that, the day before the fashion show, I heard a knock on my door. I was choosing which accessories to wear since my stylist gave me free reign on that, given that it gets approved by her first. "Coming!"
I was expecting it to be my stylist or manager, checking in on me or if I want something and totally not Lisa. She was wearing a white turtle neck and black pants, her coat hanging on her left arm and her suitcase gripped on the right.
"Hi," she greeted cutely but I stood there, dumfounded and looking like an idiot. She looked at me funny and furrowed her brows. "Welcome to me, I guess?"
"Oh, yeah. Sorry, come in." I opened the door wider and she walks in. She already settled on the couch but I was still standing by the door, amazed. "So what are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you'd be here?"
"I didn't have time to tell you. Next thing I know, I was boarding a plane to Paris." When I didn't say anything, she continued. "I just thought I'd have a small stop over here before returning to Seoul."
