"I Needed Her First." Zuko X OC

"I- cut myself" (Part 12)

(TW: Self harm!)

Shiloh's <POV>

It's been 3 days since Aang has died, and i've stayed in my room ever since. I felt so empty, as if the entire world felt still and quiet.

I haven't left my room, or got up for that matter. Iroh has tried to get me to come out but nothing has worked.

Zuko on the other hand didn't try to bother me, he's probably still disgusted about the other night.

I still can't even stand to look at myself. I'm so ashamed he had to witness that, I felt so helpless and scared.

When the man... almost raped me. I felt sick to my stomach, I clenched my teeth as I thought about what Zuko must think of me now.

I wish I were never born to begin with...

The only reason I was living was to help the people who I loved, but I failed all of them. I shook my wobbly legs as I attempted to step off my bed.

I feel so useless.

I took a step closer to my mirror as I glared at myself. I stare deep into my own eyes as I feel the self hatred flood further into my blood.

You deserve to feel tortured.

"ArGHHH" I moan in annoyance as I throw a chunk of metal towards the mirror leaving the glass pieces shattered around my room.

I take a step foward towards the broken glass and grab a long as sharp blade. Emptiness in my eyes as I stare them through the glass.

I take a seat as I trace the glass against my skin, leaving small traces before I cut. I firmly stick the blade against my wrist and pull it foward.

Blood began to spill from my wrist, as it drips down the side. It was fine until my head started throbbing.

'Fuck!' I yelled in my mind. The pain increases as I struggled. I grabbed my wrist to stop the bleeding and the throbbing stopped too.

Suddenly I hear knocking on the door.

"Shiloh... open up! We have news about Aang." Zuko yelled through the door.

"He's dead I already knew that!!" I screamed hurt peaking through my raspy unused voice.

I began clutching my wrist more firmly, as the throbbing continued.

"Shiloh. Let me in." Zuko stated sternly.

"Just leave!" I yell to him with my voice breaking. I was still seated on the ground, with an concerning about of blood puddled around me.

I hear the door unlock as I slam my wrist onto the ground.

'I don't want him to see me like this' I think to myself as the throbbing in my head continues.

"Shiloh, Aang's alive." I hear Zuko say as the door swings open.

I stay still releasing my grasp from my wrist as I hear those words.

The throbbing stopped completely. My eyes began to fill themselves with color as my cut started to sting.

I don't even pay attention to Zuko's eyes widing as he sees me and the scene.

"Wait what the fuck happened here?!" Zuko yelled to me with concern and anger in his expression as he sees me on the ground with blood and broken glass around me.

"I— uh... The mirror attacked me." I joked.

I feel my happiness flowing in as the realization that Aang is okay is comforting me.

"The mirror attacked you?" Zuko questioned glancing at the mirror and the my wrist.

I nodded in response, I couldn't admit to self harm.

Lies.

I hear a voice in my mind say.

Your a liar.

My pupils start to shake as I panicked.

"I- cut myself." I admitted in panic. I stared at him blanked face as I felt my wrist bleed more.

"You what?" he spat towards me trying to force me to look at him.

"It's nothing i'm fine." I turn away from him as I attempt to stand up. My legs wobble as I fall into his chest.

"Your clearly not." He sighed starting to carry me bridal style to the infirmary.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience." I hide my body as he carries me in ashamed of the event of the other night.

I don't know why I feel so dirty, imagining a man could think of a child like that made me think there was something wrong with me.

It doesn't matter what Zuko thinks of me, or how I feel. All that matters is that Aang is okay, I took a breath in relief as I let a smile grow wide.

"What are you smiling about." He muttered under his breath "Your literally about to bleed out"

"Aang's okay, and thats all that matters!" I smiled as I nuzzled closer to him ignoring the blood dripping from my wrist.

He had a mixture of emotions at my words and actions.

"Don't you care about yourself..." He tried to speak but it ended up raspy.

Lying me down onto the infirmary bed and calling a nurse, Zuko glared at me awaiting an answer.

I stutter trying to find the right words. I can't lie.

"I-I—" I spoke until I felt the black grow closer in my eyesight. My eyes shut as my brain passed out.

Zuko's <POV>

"Shiloh!!" I say panicked. I hover over the girls body staring at her white skin which has appeared to whiten further.

The nurse rushes over to her as she stops the bleeding. Using a needle and thread they fix her arm.

'She cut herself?' I questioned in my mind. The shock starts to overcome my body as I realize the meaning behind those words.

'She did it purposely' I suddenly feel my heart ache as I clutch my chest. My throat feels swollen as I try to envision why she would do that.

Thoughts rushing in my mind as I stay helplessly close to the passed out girl.

'Does she want to... die?' The thought terrified me. I feel my arms start shaking as I imagine life without her. Why would she want to leave me.

My envisions get blurry as I yell at the nurses to not let their eyes off her.

'Shiloh... I need you.'