Cause of my Euphoria | Yeonbin ✓

【19】

 "Come on, Soobin, open your mouth."

The younger clamped his mouth shut, shaking his head.

Yeonjun frowned at him and lifted the spoon of porridge to his lips again. "Just one bite, please."

The younger pouted at him and he sighed. He had been trying to get Soobin to eat for ten minutes now, but the younger refused, insisting that they talked first.

But Soobin needed to take his painkillers and to do that, he had to eat.

"Soobin, please, don't be stubborn," Yeonjun goaded again, lifting the spoon.

But Soobin only flashed him his puppy eyes. It had been a while since he had seen those puppy eyes. He kind of missed them.

Suddenly, the younger smiled at him and it took him a second to realize that his lips had quirked into a smile too. The sight of seeing Soobin's puppy eyes had made a subconscious reaction.

Sighing in resignation, Yeonjun put the bowl of porridge back on the tray and scooted closer to the bed.

"Fine, we'll talk. But, afterwards, you eat. Got that?"

Soobin nodded, frantically.

Yeonjun sighed again. "Alright, the floor is yours."

The younger looked at him for a few moments, eyes raking over his figure, as if he was memorizing him and committing his image to memory. Yeonjun should feel uncomfortable, but he wasn't. He always liked it when Soobin looked at him.

"I'm sorry," the younger said in a soft tone. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I accused you of cheating, I know you didn't. I'm sorry if I made you think that I think so low of you. I'm sorry I made you feel like you're not important to me, that I don't love you. Because I do, Yeonjun. I love you so much and this entire time without you was just... hell."

He reached out and took one of Yeonjun's hands, bringing it close to his face and nuzzling his cheek against it. The older couldn't help but blush, because not only did the younger look adorable, he reminded him of his Soobin, the Soobin who chased after him, the Soobin who confessed his love to him in the middle of their university campus... his affectionate, cheesy, and loving bunny Soobin.

"I miss your face, your smile, your nagging, the way you hog all the covers in the morning, your cuddles when we watch movies... Everything... I miss everything." Soobin's lip quivered slightly as his eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Please... come back to me..."

Yeonjun's heart ached as he listened to the other. He longed to tell him that he missed him too. But Soobin's words to him that fateful night many months ago still echoed in his head.

"You said you were bored," he said, quietly. "You wanted freedom. You wanted your life back."

Soobin winced, looking ashamed. "I was wrong," he replied. "I'm not bored of you; I'll never get bored of you. Anything I do with you, whatever it is, I'm happy because it's with you. And freedom? Freedom doesn't feel very free if you're not there, it just feels lonely. And my life? You're right. I want my life back..."

Yeonjun's heart started to crack.

"... you are my life, Yeonjun," Soobin continued, and the older felt his heart become whole again. "And I want you back."

He met Yeonjun's eyes and all the older could see was true sincerity and regret. But, Soobin still had not answered the question that had been nagging Yeonjun for months.

"Then why did you do it?" he asked. "There must have been some semblance of truth to what you said and why you did what you did. It couldn't have just come out of nowhere. So tell me... Why?"

Soobin bit at his lip, seeming to contemplate the answer. Yeonjun waited patiently, resisting the urge to chide the younger for biting his lip because he might tear at the skin; he knew how sensitive Soobin's skin was. He swore he was going to get him some lip balm after he fed him.

"I... was afraid."

If Yeonjun had not been paying attention, he would have missed Soobin's answer.

He tilted his head to the side, confused. "Afraid? Of what?"

Soobin began playing with his fingers and Yeonjun only now realized that he had not let it go once.

"We spend so much time together, almost every waking moment together, and sometimes, you sacrifice things you want to do because you know I wouldn't enjoy them. I was afraid you would get bored of me... or resent me later... I was afraid of suffocating you with my love... and I didn't want that. So, I distanced myself from you... but I went too far. I ended up neglecting you instead. I enjoyed my so-called freedom too much and forgot that I had to give you some attention too, that I had to show you love too instead of assuming that you just knew. I was so used to you always being the understanding one that I took that for granted... and I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Yeonjun."

By the time he was done, Soobin had allowed his tears to fall. They streamed down his face, but he didn't sob, only looked at the older with the face of regret and dejection.

And Yeonjun didn't know how to react. A part of him was elated that Soobin really did still love him, that he was trying to make things right, that it wasn't Yeonjun's fault. However, a part of him also felt some guilt, realizing that maybe he should have been more straightforward with Soobin from the beginning instead of hiding his feelings.

And he shouldn't have responded so childishly to the other. He wasn't blind that he didn't notice Soobin's efforts to apologize through his actions; he was simply too proud and a little angry to acknowledge the fact that the younger had trouble with saying the words "I'm sorry." But, now, he did it. And Yeonjun wanted to tell him that he was forgiven.

But... he was still afraid.

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