J."Dee". // Sanders Sides AU

Chapter 13

TW: Suicide assumption and brief talk of said assumption, crying, overall negativity

When Virgil screamed, Damien and Logan were the first ones to react. They jumped out of bed and rushed down the stairs. "Virgil? What's wrong?" Damien asked, freezing as he got to the living room. Patton was dead. No. He- he couldn't be. None of the three could believe it. How could Patton be dead?!

Logan's eyes took in the scene as he arrived after Damien. His eyes widened as they landed on a blue plastic bottle. "What..." he walked over to the coffee table and froze. "Drain cleaner... why would he do this?" he asked, looking at Patton before glancing back up at Damien and Virgil, who were too shocked to even consider crying.

Damien shook his head lightly. "I- I don't know..." he said quietly. He was just as shocked as the other two. He couldn't find a known reason why Patton would just... leave them. He felt tears building up in his eyes the more he thought about it. He thought of everything that had happened lately. Patton was terrified on the day they broke into the school... maybe that was what pushed him to do it. He closed his eyes for a moment and reached out to grab Virgil's hand. "Let's go back upstairs... I don't want you to see this for any longer," he said, pulling an almost numb Virgil to his room, where Roman was sitting on the bed.

Roman's eyes widened as Damien and Virgil entered the room. He rushed to them, unsure of what to do, noticing the tears falling from Damien's eyes. "Dee? Oh my God, what happened? Why are you crying? What's wrong?" he rushed to ask. Damien hadn't even noticed he was crying, too busy taking his brother away from the living room.

Damien just shook his head, shutting his eyes. Roman looked at them and kissed his forehead. "Stay here, Love. I'll go check," he said, walking out of the room and heading down the stairs.

Virgil shut his eyes and closed the door. He didn't want to hear anything of what was going on down there now that all the others were seeing Patton. He turned to Damien and pulled him to the bed.

"Dee? Hey, breathe. It's all going to be okay-" he started, trying to comfort his brother. He didn't care about his own mental health. Damien's was far worse...

Damien shook his head and looked at him. "He's dead, Virgil! How is that okay?" he snapped. Virgil flinched. "I'm sorry, V... I didn't mean to yell at you..." he trailed off, sitting against the headboard and hugging his knees. "I just- I don't want any reassurance of something that isn't a sure thing... I'm sick of it."

Virgil sighed and moved to sit next to him. "Now you know how it feels..." he mumbled. "Look... I know it hurts, I'm hurting, too, but we'll be alright, all of us. Okay? I honestly doubt any of the others would even consider doing that after this, don't you?" he asked, nudging him slightly and giving a small, reassuring smile.

Damien let out a weak scoff. "I guess..." he said quietly, leaning closer to Virgil. He felt so powerless. So small. "It's all my fault..." he whimpered.

Virgil frowned, shifting to look into his brother's eyes. "No. Hey. This is not your fault. He did it himself, you didn't do anything to make him. Don't ever say that you did. You did not," he said sternly.

Damien sniffled. "But I did... I never noticed anything wrong... I made him break into the school with us when he didn't want to-"

"Dee. No. So much happened in the school that scared us all shitless. A lot of things that we wish didn't happen. We can't change any of that. Trust me, I would if I could. But this is not your fault. None of us noticed anything. If that makes this your fault, we are all guilty," Virgil reassured. "The only thing that would make you guilty would be killing him. And you didn't. You were right here with Roman, asleep."

Damien looked down, breaking down. Virgil quickly wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in a hug. "Then why- why do I-" he hiccupped.

Virgil rubbed his back gently. "Feel guilty?" he finished Damien's question. Damien nodded. "Because it was here. Because it was in your safe place. In our safe place. Because you can't help but wonder what would have happened if we had run out of drain cleaner." He hoped he was talking like Logan. He was trying so hard to make Damien feel better that he had no idea if what he was saying made any sense.

-

Soft sniffles were heard as the front door opened. Roman held Damien close as Remus did with Virgil. The four boys' gaze went to the living room. Damien's lip quivered and he quickly looked away.

Roman ran a hand through Damien's hair. "Thank you for letting me and Remus stay over..." he said quietly, wiping away his tears.

Mrs. Sanders nodded. "Of course, Roman." She gave him a small smile. "No one should be alone at a time like this." She looked at the four kids and smiled warmly. "Why don't you four go to Damien's room, I'll get the maid to bring the water mattresses so you can all sleep there, I'll make you kids some hot chocolate."

Roman nodded. "Thank you, ma'am," he said softly, taking Damien's hand. "Let's go, Love. Let's get some rest." He gently pulled Damien up the stairs and into his room. He sat on the bed, pulling Damien on his lap and holding him close. He glanced at Remus and Virgil, frowning lightly. "Come here. I'm sure we can all cuddle here for a bit." He moved to the far end of the bed and patted the empty spot beside him. He gently moved Damien to lay beside him, pressing a tender kiss to the top of his head.

Virgil climbed on the bed, pulling Remus' sleeve. Remus obeyed and laid beside Virgil. "What a fucked up world," he said, with a sad scoff.

"Yeah... the bad guys always win, huh?" Roman asked, shifting slightly. "Life's not a fairytale... we're learning that the hard way..." He sighed.

Virgil whimpered. "I miss him..." he said quietly, clinging to Remus. "Why him...?" he trailed off.

"Because the good guys are destined to die while they're still good... because good is always overshadowed by darkness and evil... and evil always ends up taking over the good..." Damien muttered. "Because the world didn't deserve him."

Roman ran a hand through Damien's hair and sighed. "That's true... and I hate how true it is... but life has to go on. We can't give up now... we have to go on for him. We have to live our senior prom and go on vacation together in the summer... we have to go on and enjoy what Patton can't anymore..." he said, his voice breaking multiple times.

"We have to live..." Remus repeated quietly. "Okay, then. We will," he said with a smile.

Damien glanced at Virgil, noticing how quiet he was and how hard he was trying to hold back tears. "Hey, you too, kiddo," he said, ruffling Virgil's hair.

As soon as Damien said those words, Virgil broke down, crying into Remus' shirt. A small, sad smile formed on Roman's lips, glad that Virgil was finally letting it all out.

After crying for nearly an hour, Virgil let exhaustion take over, quickly falling asleep curled up to Remus' side.

"You should get some sleep, too, Dee," Roman said softly. "We all should. It's been a long couple of days." The other two nodded and, one by one, they all drifted off into a very much needed sleep.