The Bucket List

28

You know those moments in movies when there's some coming of age song playing in the background and the characters are just living their lives to the best of their abilities, not worried about tomorrow or yesterday or the problems they have?

That feeling when your chest is on fire but your brain is on cloud nine, like you finally understand who you are?

That's what it felt like when I spent time with Eli. Like the world was on pause, like I didn't need anything or anyone else around for me to feel okay.

We drove through LA in his Jeep, which didn't have any doors, blasting his music with wind rushing through our hair. His music was pretty damn good, too.

Time didn't feel real as we sped through the streets. We got ice cream and drove to stare at the giant Hollywood sign, sitting on the hood of his car to watch the clouds slowly creep across the sky. And then it began to rain. He gave me his hoodie and turned up the music, leaving us alone in the parking lot to dance in the rain. It was magical.

I'd never connected with someone like that, never felt so free. It was like I'd just learned who I was, just woken up from a simulation I'd been living in for 19 years.

"Oh, god, you're soaking," he chuckled as we got back into his car.

"You are too, dumbass," I laughed. He shook his head, causing water droplets to fly through the air.

"So, how are you feeling? Being impulsive and such?" he asked.

"Honestly?" I asked.

"Honestly," he said.

"I've never felt more alive," I smiled.

"I've never felt more alive whilst sober," he said.

"What do you know, they were right. You don't need drugs and alcohol to have fun," I said.

"And you don't need a car to get places, but it certainly fucking helps," he said.

"Hey! I don't need your logic right now, sir," I said.

"I think you do," he said.

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered. I pulled off his hoodie and set it in his lap. "Thanks for the jacket."

"Anytime," he said, smiling.

"Woah, did you just smile at me?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"Oh my god, I've done it. I've cracked the Elijah Adams. He actually looks happy," I said.

"Reminder that you've known me for...8 hours, Rose," he said, checking his phone.

"Oh my god, what time is it?" I asked. "I forgot the world is real."

"it's 11:30. And unfortunately, the world is very real," he said.

"Not when I'm with you. Do you just click this well with everyone?" I asked.

"I have, like, two friends. I mean, I know a lot of people. But I hate letting anyone in," he said.

"How come?" I asked.

"Our brains. We've got a constant underlying intense fear of abandonment. If we think someone is fed up with us, we'll push them away so that we have control over it. Even if nothing was ever even wrong in the first place. I push a lot of people away. But I don't want to push you away. You make me feel something," he said.