Stucky Halloween: 2020

Seven, Eight, Nine

*Hamilton fans have left the chat*

This one is more angsty :/ TW for violence and sadness.

////

"Bucky? Bucky, breathe with me, baby, breathe-- "

His jaw clenched as another bout of pain wracked his body, his chest seizing up. Bucky gasped in a short breath, staring in desperation at his boyfriend, who himself was bleeding from his head -- a far cry from getting shot point blank in the stomach.

Steve fumbled for Bucky's hands, slippery with blood, and he held them both tightly. "Come on, sweetheart, please breathe, come on... "

Bucky choked in a shuddering breath and pressed his head against the ground, coughing on the exhale. "St-- " His name died in his throat, replaced with a sickening gasp of pain.

"I know it hurts, baby, I need you to stay awake," Steve pleaded, tears streaking his cheeks. Bucky had never seen him so terrified, and hated that he was the cause.

"Steve -- 'm scared," he choked, blinking back tears of his own. Steve's heart plummeted, not for the first time today, and his grip tightened, then he moved a hand to cup his cheek.

"I know, I know, sweetheart, you're gonna be okay," Steve hushed. "Okay, come on, take another breath-- "

"Hurts -- " Bucky seized again and began to hyperventilate, clutching at Steve's hand like a lifeline.

"I know, I know it hurts," he hushed as he brushed his hair back with his bloodied hand, trying desperately to calm him. "Can you count with me, sweetheart? Just -- just try, okay?"

Bucky didn't ask why, face pinched in pain, and he uttered, "one, t-two... "

"Come on, Buck," Steve murmured, gripping his hands tight. "Stay with me, stay with me... "

"Th-three, four," Bucky hissed and squeezed his eyes closed. Steve felt like passing out, the world swaying, he forced himself to stay with Bucky.

"That's it, sweetheart, stay with me, baby -- "

Tears ran freely down Bucky's face. He was exhausted, each word like a dart in his throat. Steve wasn't looking well either, his face pale and bloodied -- eyes glassy with tears and pain.

"Five, six-- " another gasp for breath, then "seven", and Steve clutched his hand tightly, as if he needed it as much as Bucky did.

Blackness was swimming before his eyes and his stomach lurched, nausea overwhelming him. "Come on, Buck," he wavered, blinking. He couldn't afford to pass out, Bucky needed him, he needed him --

"Eight," Bucky panted and bit back a groan of pain. "Steve-- " Alarm bells sounded in his brain as Steve sagged where he sat, blood coating the left side of his face.

"I'm here," Steve panted, wiping blood from his eye. "Keep counting, Buck," he begged. He was going to black out, he knew this, gave Bucky's hand a squeeze as his head drooped again. "Stay with me," he uttered.

"Nine," Bucky bit out, anxiety flooding through him as Steve doesn't respond, limp where he knelt. "Steve, don't -- leave me," he choked. He heard the faint wail of an ambulance and struggled to remain awake, staring at Steve, his body aching, until he lost that fight and passed out, still gripping his hand.

////

When Bucky awoke everything felt fuzzy and out of focus. He pushed himself up and looked around the room, chest tightening when he doesn't see Steve there.

"Steve?"

A nurse walked in, coiled black hair in a tight bun. "How are you feeling, Mr Barnes?"

"I'm fine -- was-- was there anyone else here?"

Her smile softened. "You must be referring to Captain Rogers." Trish took a deep breath, and explained the situation.

Steve woke alone.

////

When Bucky was finally allowed to see him, a week and a half had passed. "Steve," he breathed as he rushed to his side. Steve studied him blankly, although gave a patient smile.

"Sorry, do I know you?"

Bucky stared at him, heart sinking, his throat closing in on itself. He managed a shaky smile. "Sort of. Steve, I'm Bucky, I'm a -- a friend."

////

Adjusting was difficult; Bucky felt like he was looking into a mirror. Steve was told their entire story, didn't remember most of it -- didn't know that he would once again fall in love with Bucky Barnes.

Bucky's entire world view shifted. Was this what it had been like when he wasn't himself? Did Steve recognize him at all?

The only thing that did it was when Steve needed to help Bucky -- that, at least, he remembered. Bucky stopped mid-walk, a stabbing pain in his stomach. Grimacing, he placed a hand over the phantom wound, and Steve immediately took notice.

"Buck, you okay?"

He froze. Buck... that was his nickname. Why did his nickname need another nickname? Something was so achingly familiar about that, something that made Steve hopeful that maybe his memory could come back.

Bucky was staring at him, too. "You called me Buck."

"I... "

"No, it's... that's good," he rushed to say, in case Steve felt uncomfortable. "That's really good, Steve. Do you remember anything else?" He tried not to sound too eager. Steve was frowning, walking alongside him once more.

"I don't... think so."

"Okay." Bucky smiled anyway, because that was progress.

Steve slowly became more sociable and more comfortable around Bucky. A year passed, and everything was almost back to normal.

Almost.

"Hey, Buck?" Steve was flicking through movies, trying to find one for both to enjoy. "Were we... ever more than friends?"

Bucky choked on his water and looked at him. "Why?"

Steve paused to gather his thoughts. "I wondered if that was something from the past times or if it's just me."

Bucky took a second to process his words. "Sorry?"

"Buck, I like you now," Steve said way too patiently. "Did I like you before?"

"Well, I sure hope so," he said with a nervous laugh. "We were... yeah. Yeah, you liked me. And I really liked you."

Steve furrowed his eyebrows as he settled on a movie. "So, do you still like me?"

Bucky moved closer. "I've always loved you, Steve. I just -- I couldn't dump that on you."

"Why, sweetheart?" The murmured nickname made Bucky get butterflies in his stomach, thrilled that at least Steve remembers that. He looked down, took a quiet breath.

"You were -- gone, Steve, you didn't remember us," he muttered. "I didn't know what to do." His throat felt tight. He didn't meet his eyes.

Steve tilted his chin so he could look at him. He smiled sadly. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I remember this. I remember you looking at me like that and I remember just... feeling like the luckiest guy on the planet."

Bucky turned a shade of pink and studied him. "If anyone's the lucky one it's me for winding up with a great man."

Steve shook his head fondly. "Thank you, Buck," he murmured.

"It's you and me, okay? Until the end of the line."

////

Well this took an unexpected turn but here it is!