Stucky Halloween: 2020

The Sum Of

The sum of their relationship: soulmates and found family. That's what Bucky always thought, anyway, and it was clear to him the longer he was with Steve.

They weren't exactly polar opposites but they definitely had their differences -- hell, even the difference in morale and how they approached dealing with villains seemed to be a driving factor, but when they broke it down they knew that at the end of the day it was the civilians who mattered: keep them safe by stopping the bad guys. Simple.

Bucky didn't believe in soulmates. The idea that someone perfect for you was out there, you just had to find them, was a cute one; however, the real world didn't work like that. The real world didn't have the universe deliver unto you a universe-approved person, because that wasn't how it worked. You had to work at a relationship.

The sum of their relationship was that they'd go to hell and back to save each other, again and again and again. The sum of their relationship was never giving up, and never quitting.

Bucky never knew Steve to quit. Well, only once -- that day on the helicarrier. "I'm not gonna fight you," Steve'd breathed, dropped his shield and in the moment Bucky was confused at the frustration that ran through him. What did he care that his enemy dropped his shield, that was a good thing, why did he feel exasperation building in him with no outlet?

Confusing times, but the times they lived in now were considerably better.

They were fighting together, now; that was a huge step up from Bucky trying to kill Steve.

The sum of their relationship was Bucky standing at the sink, gripping the rim while he stared at the swirling water washing the blood away and suddenly he was back in that horrid place, and suddenly he wasn't okay anymore, and suddenly Steve was gently taking his hands and talking to him in hushed tones, searching his eyes, trying to bring him home.

Bucky was home now, more often than not -- "home" as in present, with Steve. Bucky had come up with the idea for any relapses -- "home" was the assurance that he truly was back where he belonged, and he was okay, and it did help.

The sum of their relationship was Bucky helping Steve through panic attacks, more frequent than his own; Steve unable to handle the feeling of being freezing because then he was freezing, he was freezing to death and his hands shook too violently to be ignored. It was Bucky talking him through it, reminding him of where he is, and when it's all over offering the comfort Steve often needs.

It was the warmth, Steve said once. It was the simplicity of feeling safe in Bucky's arms. The sum of their relationship was warmth and unwavering love -- Sam joked so often about them being soulmates that sometimes Bucky questioned where he stood on that, before ultimately deciding that yes, they had built themselves up to that point.

He couldn't see himself with anyone else besides Steve at this point -- the thought made him upset, so he tried not to think about it.

The sum of their relationship was that they loved each other, but... didn't need each other to survive. Each man was his own person, after all, and sure, being with each other made them better -- but they were working on being okay by themselves. Each had his own morals, beliefs, fears and dreams -- and the other was there to support it.

That was the sum of their relationship, fundamentally: a supporting, loving, uplifting one.

"Buck, come on," Steve called from the other side of the apartment. Bucky shook himself from his reverie and tucked the small velvet box into his coat pocket before shrugging the coat on.

"You'd think since I'm the one who's taking you to dinner -- "

"I love and adore you, but I don't wanna be late," Steve reminded as he fixed his shirt sleeves. "What took so long?"

Instead of admitting to looking at their relationship painstakingly piece by piece, Bucky shrugged. "Hair takes a long time?"

Steve took a second to look him over and he smiled, kissing his forehead. "You look great, hon."

"Thank you," Bucky hummed and scanned him. "You do too." Bucky ushered him out the door and they made their way to the restaurant.

It was only when Steve commented on how quiet Bucky had been that he presented the ring, with a shy smile.

"I had a whole speech prepared, but I'm probably gonna cry so I'll sum up: Steve, our relationship to me is what we always said: I'm with you until the end of the line. So... " Bucky fumbled with the lid of the box and Steve smiled, teary-eyed. "Steve Rogers, will you marry me?" His voice was soft, hopeful.

Steve's chest swelled and he blinked, releasing the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "Of course, punk," he said with a breathless laugh. Bucky grinned and slid the ring onto his finger.

The sum of their relationship: I'm with you until the end of the line. An unbroken promise, a vow to never leave the other's side and to love them, protect them. Bucky could've never imagined better wedding vows, and it summed up who they were.

They were Steve and Bucky, together until the end of the line.

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Whew-- that last line almost got me while I was writing it. (I just -- I can't believe I'm still doing this, I'm still able to write what I love and your guys' support has meant so much to me; it's really helped me keep this profile alive and helped me improve myself as a whole, so I wanted to genuinely thank you all for sticking with me this far.)

Dumb emotional mini rant over, I hoped this one was good! One more to go today :) Lemme know what you thought!