Stucky Halloween: 2020

D.D.S.R.

I genuinely have no clue what this is! Also here's a TW for general angst/violence.

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"Don't die, Steve Rogers," Steve breathed as he pushed himself up from the ground. A simple mantra Bucky had long since drilled into his brain, emphasis on had -- when he was himself. No, now he was the Winter Soldier and he was trying to kill Steve -- again.

He couldn't do that to Bucky; he wouldn't let him kill him just for Bucky to wake up and realise what he'd done. Steve would half-heartedly tell anyone who'd listen that of course he wanted to live, of course it wasn't just for Bucky -- wondering how much he was convincing himself of that fact.

Steve slammed into the wall and grunted with the pain; Bucky stalked toward him, and Steve darted quickly out of reach. "Don't -- die-- "

Bucky grabbed for his gun, always holstered to his hip, and Steve made the decision to tackle him, pinning him to the ground. Bucky managed to lift his leg and kick him in the stomach, then squirmed free.

"Buck, you're really starting to get on my nerves," Steve groaned as Bucky charged once more. "If you could-- not kill me-- "

Bucky said something in a language Steve didn't recognize. Fantastic, Steve thought bitterly, and then a metal fist came slamming into his face.

Steve cursed through gritted teeth, eyes watering as he clutched his bloodied nose. The unmistakable click of a gun and Steve froze, panting. The cool metal pressed into the side of his head and he sighed, closing his eyes. "Bucky -- "

"Who the hell is-- "

"Your name is Bucky Barnes," Steve interrupted, glancing briefly up at him. "You know me."

"No, I don't," the Winter Soldier seethed, in Russian of course.

"It's me," Steve responded in the same language. "It's Steve, okay?"

"St-- " Bucky's hand wavered briefly and pressed firmly again. The safety was clicked off and the Winter Soldier took a deep breath. Steve flinched at the safety and shut his eyes tightly.

"Please," he blurted. The tense silence filled the air and Steve held his breath. "I don't... wanna die."

Bucky paused, stared in horror and looked to be coming out of a trance. The gun clattered and Steve released a shaky breath. He pressed a hand to his bloody face and closed his eyes.

Bucky stepped away, clutching his metal arm as if stopping himself from using it. He just... stared at Steve for a second. "Don't die, Steve Rogers," he breathed. Steve found himself exhaling a laugh, not bringing himself to look up quite yet.

He heard Bucky sink to the floor behind him, turn away from him. They sat in silence for long, too long and Bucky wanted to say something, his mouth was dry and his fist was wet with blood.

"Steve?"

Steve lifted his head, didn't say a word. He could feel Bucky staring at him, so he turned to face him. Bucky's eyes were soft; he looked like he was about to cry.

"I almost killed you." Bucky studied him, worriedly. "And you almost let me, why didn't you... "

"I didn't," he interrupted and felt a strange sense of anxiety swelling in his chest. He sighed. "I... don't want to die."

Bucky heard the roar of blood in his ears as he stared at him. "I almost -- Steve, I -- I'm sorry." His voice was weak.

Steve waved him over, lacking the energy to speak. His face ached, his entire body was sore and he just wanted to sleep. Bucky hesitantly moved to him; Steve cautiously wrapped him into an embrace.

Bucky hugged him carefully, as if he's glass seconds from shattering. Steve tried not to get any blood on him but that didn't seem to be Bucky's main concern.

They sat there on the living room floor, Steve cradling the back of Bucky's head, holding him close. Bucky hid his face against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Stevie," Bucky murmured, a lump in his throat. Steve shook his head.

"I'm okay, Buck," he muttered and shut his eyes, exhausted. After no more words were said, Steve fell half-asleep in the position and Bucky tried not to let guilt overwhelm him. It was hard; hurting the man he loved, not consciously in control but hurting him nonetheless. Intent on killing him.

He thought instead on the fact that Steve was alive; he was okay, Bucky could never seriously do damage. Next time, Steve had to stop him before anything worse could happen.

"Hey," Steve murmured. "Buck, c'mon, I know what you're thinkin'." He pried himself free and looked blearily at him. "Can we just go to bed or something?"

Bucky managed a shaky smile. "Okay," he agreed softly.

Bucky's chest ached as they stood, and Steve led the way, clutching his hand.

Still together.

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I had a much sadder ending in mind and this was quite sad as it is, so I am so sorry 😅 uh, happy Halloween, I love you all!