Just Me Again.

19: Breakup

  SILAS HARRISON

I was furious. I left Maria in the hospital to come to see Alice because when Alice called – she was crying hysterically. I thought that it was urgent or something might have happened to her, but when I went to see her – she told me she needed me because she was scared of what might happen to her brother tomorrow as he will go through his first chemotherapy. As much as I know her brother, he is a strong-willed man. I know what Alice and her family are going through is indescribably painful, but I wanted to be with Maria at that time. She might not need me, but I needed her.

"I can't believe it, Silas! I am so worried here, but all you worry about is your ex-wife. Why can't you forget about her and be happy with me?" Alice yelled out.

I pinched my nose and sighed. "Alice, please let's not do this right now," I told her. I didn't want to make her more upset than she was already.

She clenched her teeth and threw the tissue box on the floor before she angrily got up from the couch. She shook her head, "No, I am not letting this go now. I am sick and tired from seeing you worrying about that bitch all the time!" She yelled. I frowned and opened my mouth to give her peace of mind for calling Maria a bitch, but she interrupted me. "Don't defend her right now. All I ever wanted from you in this relationship was your time and your love. Everything was going perfectly fine until she came back. Why couldn't she stay where she belongs? Far away from you!" She yelled out and kicked the coffee table. I have never seen her like that before – she was behaving like a madwoman. She rushed nearer me and grabbed me by the collar, "Tell me, Silas, what is wrong with me, huh? Why can't you care for me like the way you care for that whore?!" That was it. I was quiet till now, but she just did not call Maria a whore.

I gritted my teeth and pushed her hands away from me. I was seeing blood – no one can ever abuse Maria in front of me. I slowly got deadly close to her face and huffed, "Because, you are not her. And you can't even get close to her." I gritted out.

She sniggered as I fat tear fell from her eye. She looked straight in my eyes, "Then why are you with me, Silas?" She questioned sulkily.

I narrowed my eyes and backed away. Why was I with her? What should I tell her? That whenever I try to break things up with her – she would always bring her brother's condition in between and I would be afraid to hurt her even more. She had a small smile on her face – she looked satisfied. She thought I had no answer to her question. I sighed and looked at her – looking at me. Since we are spilling everything out – I should tell her. I gulped, "You think I never tried to break things off?" I asked her lowly. The small smile she had on her face – fell.

"What are you saying, Silas?" she whispered.

"I tried many times, Alice. Each time you would be so upset about your brother's condition." I paused. I hated saying this aloud, but I had to. "I was afraid that I would make things more complicated. I didn't want to hurt you, Alice." I told her.

"And do you think that you are not hurting me now, Silas?" Her voice wobbled.

I closed my eyes for a brief second, "I know I am hurting you, Alice. But, I don't want you to think that we have any future." I mashed my lips together. "I don't want to give you false hope, because whatever I say or whatever I do – I can't make myself un-love Maria. I am always thinking about her. I am always dreaming about her. I was never over her nor can I ever will be." I answered her honestly.

She let out a shaky breath before she averted her gaze from me. She sniffed and tugged her open messy hair behind her ear and slowly sat on the couch. I hated her seeing like this. I might not love her, but I do care for her. "Alice," I called her name and walked nearer to her. She didn't look up at me. Instead, she kept her head down. I kneeled before her, "Alice, please – I am sorry, but I am unable to undo how I feel." I put my hand over her knee as she sobbed.