Just Me Again.

44: Memories and Doubt

MARIA WAYNE

We were interrupted by Charlie – who needed my help with something. Silas didn't push me to answer him and deep down I know that I was troubled while answering him. The frown on his face showed how downhearted he was by the lack of my reply. He wanted to hear that I will be staying with him here, but how can I make such a promise when I have my family in Chicago. How can I leave everything and move to New York when I have nothing here. I don't have a place to stay, I don't have a job here, Papa is in Chicago as well – there will so much to leave behind if I move back here. It isn't easy to move back. Silas stayed for hardly half an hour before he left.

He was confusing me. He left before he kissed me on my cheek and whispered 'see you tonight', while I could see his eyes clouded by disappointment by our earlier conversation. We were doing it again – we were not communicating and pretending that everything's okay. I offered him a small smile which he returned before walking out of the apartment. Rene and Paige were gushing right after he left about how good-looking he is and how adorable we both look with each other, while my eyes fixed on the door through with he just left. I wasn't feeling good – I felt bad yet confused. I don't know what to say to him anymore. I sighed and turned my head to see Charlie looking at me. She nodded and offered me a small smile – she knows that something is not okay. She can understand me.

After we talked for a while – Rene and Paige were tired and wanted to rest. They went into the room while Charlie started to clean the kitchen and I sat quietly at the dining table. We both weren't talking but I could see Charlie glancing towards me now and then. After a couple of minutes of silence – Charlie sighed, "Maria, talk to him." She said. I knitted my eyebrows and looked at her, "About what?" I asked her.

She rolled her eyes and put the cleaned plates on the counter before walking towards, "About what's bothering you." She replied. I sniggered, "Is it that obvious?" I asked. She chuckled and sat on the chair beside me, "Of course, it is." She put her hand on mine, "Silence is not always the answer, Maria. Talk to each other." She advised. She was right. Misunderstandings took place between us before because we refused to talk to each other. This barrier ruined my relationship with once – I don't want it to happen again. "I will call him," I spoke softly. She curled her lips, "You should talk to him face to face." She suggested. I shrugged, "I will talk to him tonight, then." I said. She once again rolled her eyes, "In front of everyone?" She asked. "We will leave for Barbados tomorrow – I better talk to him today. I don't want to leave with this thick smoke between us." I replied.

"That's why you should talk to him now." She pointed. I gave it a thought, talking to him now didn't sound bad. For a second it went through my mind that it is too soon – maybe we should give each other some time, but I shook that thought away. We did this before and it did not turn out good. I know he wants to talk to me about it, but he isn't pushing me because I didn't show interest in talking to him. I should at least ask if he wants to talk or not – there is nothing wrong with that. Charlie stood up and put the clean dishes in the cabinet, "Kathie will be here soon. I will take a shower before she arrives, okay?" She asked and I nodded. I saw her going upstairs.

I gathered my crutches and walked towards the couch. I sat on it and took the cordless phone in my hand. I still remember Silas's number – it is on the tip of my tongue. I took a deep breath and without thinking about it anymore I dialed his cellphone number and waited for him to receive the call. I waited and waited, but he didn't answer the call. Maybe he doesn't want to talk. Dejected and downheartedly, I put them down the cordless. Before I could break my heart over it – the phone rang. I answered it and brought it closer to my ear, "Hey, sorry Charlie I missed your call – I was a bit busy. Is everything okay?" Silas spoke. He thought I was Charlie – after all, I was calling him from her cordless. I gulped, "I am sorry, I didn't know that you were busy. Call me back when you are free, okay?" I replied. "Maria?" He replied immediately. I curled my lips in a small smirk, "Yes. We can talk later." I suggested. "No – no – no, I am free now." He spoke immediately. "Hey, is everything okay?" He asked softly.