Can The Player PLAY The Player?

Point 21.

A.M

I knew I wasn't acting like myself. I could feel that I wasn't.

I couldn't help it. After realizing the possibility that I could have romantic feelings for my best friend, the dude who has been by my side for years, I didn't know how to feel.

It wasn't that normal thing that you could just slap your knee and it was okay. This required too much thought and emotion, and I didn't even want to think about it right now because it meant that I would have to accept it and that I would have to figure out what to do next.

But the thing was: this situation wasn't normal.

As much as I loved the LGBT community and everything it stood for, I never imagined myself as a member.

I never imagined myself to be someone lusting after another guy, much less my own best friend. I never thought I could be gay and the thought didn't disgust me, but it scared me immensely.

It was going to be incredibly hard because it went against everything I was used to.

"What the hell did I get myself into?" I knew I hurt his feelings by the sad look in his eyes that he gave me when I walked right past him without saying good morning or even looking at him, but I couldn't face him without knowing truly. Just talking to him would throw me in a disarray.

Just smelling his distinct cologne would set me off. I even stopped wearing or using any of the gifts for the day because it reminded me too much of him.

"You okay, man?" I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned to look into Omari's concerned eyes, looking into pools of mahogany. "Everyone is worried about you," I nodded, stifling a sigh. I knew that they were worried about me—I was worried about me too. "I'm just going through something right now..." I trailed off, unsure of what to think and he stepped closer, eyeing me.

"Does it have something to do with Zaid?" He questioned and I blinked in alarm, watching him nod to himself. "It does, doesn't it? I was wondering why you were acting like that to him, but not to anyone else," He sighed, taking a seat next to me.

"I'm gonna tell you a little secret. Not because I want to encourage you or anything—you take what you want from it—" He paused, taking a deep breath. "But just so you know what it's like," I tilted my head in confusion as he leaned in closer, his smile sad yet triumphant. "I do know what it's like being so confused about having feelings for your best friend," He confessed and my eyes slowly widened, catching onto his implications. That would mean that...

"Akito and I have been friends ever since freshman year. Nothing like you and Zaid," Omari turned to look away from me and at the gym floor, a frown morphing his lips. "I don't know, like you, I fell for him somewhere along the way, but there was no point because I know that he is as straight as they came," I felt bad for him because he looked like he was totally suffering, and there was nothing I was could do.

"I wish I could tell him because it would relieve me of my burden and I could finally breathe," Omari clicked his teeth, shaking his head. "Something in me stops me every time because I just know that it would ruin everything. Akito isn't gay and never would be, Aaron," He bit his lip, putting his arm around my shoulder. "I know that for a fact, so I would never jeopardize our friendship," My heart was aching for him as he had to hold it all in because he cared so much.

"But something tells me that won't be the case with you and Zaid. If you tell him," He put on his thinking cap, nudging me with his shoulder. "He'll react positively, whether that means he returns your feelings or not," His eyes were telling to do it regardless or he was going to skin me alive over a fire. "But he values your friendship to let anything like that ruin it."