tangled up in blue

04

Jace

I wasn't sure of many things in my life. Most of the time, I just made it up as I went along.

But if there was one thing that was absolutely, one hundred percent certain, it was that I hated Noah Quinn.

Like, hated him.

And that hatred was all I could think about as the girl that was on my lap leaned in close, and pressed her lips to mine.

I couldn't even remember her name. I honestly didn't care. But that morning, as I sat on the sand at the beach party, I needed a distraction.

The kiss was average. They always were. Nothing really felt passionate to me anymore, like every time some girl attached themselves to my face, it was just a matter of waiting it out and trying to feel like all this emotionless sleeping around felt right. This time, I tried to focus on the feeling of her strawberry blonde hair in my hands, the sickly sweet taste of lipgloss.

I couldn't.

All I could see was him.

The very thought of Noah made something inside of me burn, the air thinning as he appeared within my mind. I was right when I thought he had changed. He was almost confident now; still afraid, but less when it came to speaking his mind. And I couldn't decide whether I liked or despised it.

The girl was attractive, and she liked me, and I should've liked her too. So, as she fiddled with the ends of my (mostly) brown hair, I made an angry sound against her mouth and curled my fists around the material of her dress.

All I could see behind my eyelids as I kissed her was black and blue.

Noah.

I hated his stupid, dark waves, and his annoyingly soft smile, and the disheveled way he looked in the morning. And his eyes; god, they were the worst part. They were deep enough to pull you in. Deep enough to drag you under.

But if he was the ocean, then I wanted to drown.

Abruptly, I pulled away, my thoughts ringing loud like a betrayal. "What's wrong?" She asked with a frown, her voice thick.

What was wrong?

I was supposed to be thinking about how much I hated him. How much he made me mad. And he did. Maybe a little too much, sometimes.

"Nothing," I murmured, kissing her and pretending to like it. "Just... got a lot on my mind."

She smiled. Pretty. Any normal guy would be enjoying this. The poor girl was just trying to have a good time, and I couldn't help but resent her.

Fuck. Why do I have to hate everyone?

Especially the boy whose body I woke up inside of every day. The one who shared a mirror with me. I hated him the most.

The girl leaned forward, smiling against my lips, as she softly spoke the words, "I can help with that."

I really wished that she had.

~~~

Noah

"How are you feeling, Noah?"