Joining along the faint sound of stereo playing is a loud enough breath that inhales the nothingness of air and lets it out with nose flaring and eyes looking blankly at the ceiling
It was this time when Lauren felt lonely the most. She doesn't even know why. Am i being dramatic?- she asked herself. This feeling's so random. Sure, she often feel like this before, but she was just having fun with her friends few days prior. And to feel like this is so shitty
She was just laying in her bed the whole day doing nothing but staring at the ceiling. They are no beautiful. Lauren hate her ceiling, honestly. It is one of those few things she cannot appreciate although she knew herself that everything is beautiful. Lauren's really sick of it. And perhaps, the reason why, is that for ramdom days like this, she's just staring at her lifeless-colored ceiling for such a long time that she could memorize their bruises and holes even when she's closing her eyes.
The vibration of her bed made her turn to her side to check her phone... that sudden movement made her feel so dizzy and sick to her stomach but she closed her eyes tightly, preventing herself from throwing up by swallowing hard. It works. But her throat ached for how dry it is. That was when Lauren realized that she haven't drank anything since the afternoon
Opening her eyes, she looked at her phone. There was a message from her friend in Miami asking how is she. Lauren let out a random yet small and raspy laugh although she doesn't even know what's really funny
How is she? Well, Lauren doesn't even know what she feels. Does she feel bored? Lonely? Empty?
She doesn't know, but she typed the words that wouldn't make them worry about her. Which is- she's okay, and not forgetting to ask how are they too
She turned to her back once again and let out a sigh. Her left arm travelling up her face to cover her eyes and sigh for countless times
Have you ever just feel like resting on your bed and not stand up anymore? It's such a familiar moment she's been feeling for a long time now. She's just there, lying down while looking at the ceiling, counting how many times she breathe in and breathe out until midnight came. Have you ever just feel so empty for no reason? Or experience the faint punches in your heart that was keeping your breath restrain? How about the emotional pain your stomach feels? Have you... ever experienced curling up in your bed while clutching your torso as if your embrace to your own body could take away the emotional pain your body feels for the rest of your life?
Because Lauren was suffering from it, again. It's been happening for a long time now, she can't even remember when it started. But she's used to it. And although she's used to it, it doesn't mean she doesn't feel it. It's a pain in the ass, honestly.
Lauren was used to distracting herself most of the time and knowing that it won't work for a long time but doesn't know what anything else to do, she just distract herself. She stood up and turn off her stereo that was playing Christina Perri's song The Lonely. It's funny that she didn't even heard it while looking at the ceiling as she think about random things, when loneliness is partially one of the thing she feels right now other than nothing and emptiness.
Lauren chose to eat the leftover ice cream from her refrigerator. She dig over for some réese, and even tried occupying herself by watching boring shows. It is almost 12 in midnight. She can't find one. She just wants to pig out but the lack of food in her house didn't satisfy her so she stood up, grabbing her keys that was resting right at her nightstand and left her house
Lauren is a messy girl. Indecisive yet easy to jump on her conclusion. She doesn't even know where she's going at this moment. It was like she's a girl in a bar coming with a guy for one night stand without even thinking if they have std or something. Here's the thing. She's an indecisive person when it comes to her problem, but when it comes to distracting herself to avoid problems, she immediately jump to her stupid ideas without even thinking. Just like the girl who's not thinking if the guy she's having sexual relations with has sick
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With You, I'm Everything But Colorless
Random"Look at you, skinny girl.. you look like a skeleton!" She heard a guy said then laughed Lauren just shook her head... she doesn't understand why people who had a good eyesight can't see the beauty in everything.. she really doesn't understand why t...
