warning ⚠️: Suicidal!Dean
dean, sam and i have gone through a lot of shit obviously. whether that be torture,hell, loosing loved ones, etc. lately dean has kinda been shutting down. he hides in his room and keeps the door locked. he drinks constantly, you can tell in his eyes that he's almost always a bit tipsy. today was another rough hunt. the person we were there to save didn't make it. as soon as we got home dean grabbed the bottle of whiskey and headed to his room. usually after he's drank a bit i pick the lock to his door and i go cuddle him. he's been in there for about an hour. i walk past his door and i hear a faint grunt i'm confused tho because i know for a fact that he's in there alone. i knock on the door and say "dean?" no answer so i knock again. once more, no answer. i don't even think twice, i kick the door down in 0.2 seconds. he's sitting on his bed with a blade in one hand, his opposite wrist has a couple deep slices.
i stand there and stare at him and i slowly watch him look up to me. as soon as i process what happened i run over to him. i take the blade out of his hand and i say "dean! what the hell are you doing?!" he stutters "i- i-. y/n." i grab his hand and i walk him to the bathroom. he sits on the tub looking down at his arm. i say quietly and calmly "dean. why'd you do this?" he then says "i- i don't know. i just got this impulse." i run a rag under hot water and i walk over to dean. i kneel in front of him and i gently press the rag to his cuts, he grunts "son of a bitch!" i dab his cuts to clean as much blood off. i throw the rag on the ground and i grab his hands and i say "dean, baby. don't do this. trust me. it's not the solution. i've been here before and it only makes things worse. i don't want to see you like this." he's currently looking up trying not to make eye contact. i grab his chin with my hand and i bring his face down to find tears on his cheeks. i wipe them away and say "baby, it's okay. we all get these thoughts at one point. but beating yourself up isn't going to fix it. if you ever get these thoughts again, please get me. i'll hold you for as long as i need to, to make sure your safe. i won't let this happen again." he grabs my hands tighter and leans in. his crashes his lips against mine. i don't fight it. he pulls away and he says "thank you. y/n. i love you." the shock on my fast after he finishes that sentence. i coulda sworn my heart stopped. he sat there staring at me waiting for a response. he looked to the side and says "never mind. i'm fine. thanks." he stands up and heads for the door. i grab his hand and whip him around. i press my lips against his and i pull away. i then whisper "i love you too dean." a smile is brought to his face. i say "let me bandage your arm up." he nods and stands there as i wrap his arm. after i finish i pull him to his bed and i take off his shirt that was covered in blood. he then lays down with his back facing me. i lay beside him and i start to rub his back and i place little kisses here and there. i wrap 1 arm around his side and i start to rub his abs. he grabs my arm and falls asleep in my arms.
