Savior

14| Deserved

Chapter 14: Deserved (Claire's POV)

I had no idea what to say to him. I felt my heart ache for him. No one deserves to feel like that. Everyone deserves to feel loved and appreciated. Everyone. Especially him. It's exactly what he deserved. 

I cleared my throat, "Why do you feel like you don't deserve to be loved?" I asked. 

"Because of the things I've done to people. I've killed people. And when my mom died, I didn't do anything about it. Even when I could. I could tell someone, I could ask for help." 

"Why didn't you?" I whispered. 

"I was told not to," he said, staring at the ceiling. 

"Then that's not your fault, Leo." 

"It's all my fault," he scoffed. 

"Did you even know? What your dad was doing?" He didn't answer me. "If you didn't know, then that was not your fault. And you weren't there when it happened, you couldn't possibly have stopped it." 

"No, but I could have done her right," he rolled his eyes. 

"You were just doing what your dad told you to. You were fifteen, you were a kid," I explained. 

"I wasn't a kid," he scoffed, "I knew what was going on. He didn't tell me but I knew. And I did nothing." 

I asked a question I was hesitating to ask. "Leo, did your dad bring you into all this?" 

"Of course, he did. What kind of high school student would want that?" he asked. 

"What did you want?" 

If he talked anymore about what happened, he would lose his patience, I could see him getting mad. He had so much anger suppressed in him towards his dad and even himself. So much, that he's convinced no one will love him. 

"Not this," he said coldly, "Now I'm stuck. With nobody." 

"You can have somebody," I said gently, lying on my stomach and looking at him, my cheek resting on the pillow, my hands tucked under it. 

"Who's going to love me, Claire? Who will even tolerate me?" 

"I'd say Flynn and I tolerate you pretty well," I smiled. 

He looked at me, mirroring my position. "He's known me forever. He saw me change. And you only tolerate me because you're locked in here with me." 

"That's not true. I told you, I would leave if I wanted to. I actually think you're really nice despite how you act. You're not that cold, Leo. Don't act like it." 

"I have to. I don't let people love me because I know they can't. And if they say they do, they're only lying." 

"No one's lying to you." I propped myself up on my elbows. "No one's lying. Flynn isn't like, neither am I. Leo, you just closed yourself off. You changed who you are and that's okay. If you like being closed off, that's perfectly fine. You just have to trust some people. Especially the ones making an effort. They do it cause they care." 

"Do you care?" 

I'm trying to talk as logically and calmly as possible so he feels comfortable but I am freaking out. This is the most he's opened up to me. Ever. "Yeah, I care. I cared in junior year too," I grinned. 

"I'm not talking about a stupid crush," he sighed. 

"I'm not either. I actually really liked you. And I knew nothing about you. Nobody did. But you can want something without knowing what it really is. Without understanding it. I just didn't try getting to know you back then. I'm trying now. Offer's up on the table," I gave him a small shrug.