If I Stay {Fillie}

If I Stay

He didn't leave her, not even for one second, for five days. Even when her family and friends came, he stayed. He talked to her, and they sorted out every unfortunate thing that had transpired between them in the past few months.

She apologized for lying to him throughout the course of their relationship, and he apologized for being a stuck up, self-important celebrity that failed to see that she wasn't okay. In his opinion, it was his fault. Everything was his fault. She felt the same way about herself, and in the end, they decided that they were both to blame, and that everything that had happened was in the past. The only thing they could do now was move forward.

On the fifth day, at around eight at night, Millie strongly insisted that Finn go home and shower and have a good meal and a nap, as he'd been with her for days without taking care of himself, living off minimal hospital food and the occasional fast food Maddie or Lilia brought him and three hours of sleep each night due to the uncomfortable armchair he'd been spending most of his time in. He resisted at first, wanting to stay with her, but eventually he realized she was right. He couldn't help her live out the rest of her time happily if he himself was exhausted and disgusting.

"Why don't you go home and come back tomorrow? Sleep in your own bed tonight." She smiled tiredly at him, her eyelids drooping. "You deserve it. Plus, my family and Sadie and Noah are coming to see me not long from now. I'll be fine, I promise."

"You know I hate promises, Millie Mars," he said tenderly, running the back of his hand lightly across her cheekbone. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Deathly. You've started to smell."

She laughed out loud at his expression of joking dismay, but the laugh was cut short by a fit of coughing that made Finn frown with worry. The bout was over in a moment, however, and his worry ended up being exaggerated.

"I'm okay," she panted, holding a hand to her chest. "It just hurts around this area a bit." She gestured to her neck and chest before beginning to cough again, but this time it was even shorter than the last, which helped Finn relax a little.

"I'll be back tomorrow, nine o'clock sharp," he promised, kissing her on the forehead. "I love you. So much."

"I love you more," Millie croaked, her eyes slipping closed and a tiny smile on her lips. Finn looked at her lovingly for a moment longer, thinking, no you don't, before leaving the hospital room.

As he rode silently down the elevator, he couldn't help but feel the urge to change the metal box's direction and rush back to her side like some valiant hero. But he needed to take care of himself as well as he needed to take care of her, and so he forced his arms to stay glued to his sides until he reached the first floor.

He strode out the glass sliding doors into the parking lot, and on his way to his car, he heard sniffling, and another voice that sounded very familiar. Finn stopped and listened. The crying and the voices were coming from behind the row of cars he was walking down, and he crept up beside a white Subaru to get a look at who it was.

Sadie and Noah stood near Sadie's blue Acura, about twelve feet or so from Finn, and the redhead's freckled face was streaked with tears. Noah had a hand on her shoulder and was attempting to soothe her. "It's going to be all right, Sadie," he said sympathetically, rubbing her back gently. "Maybe you're wrong. We can only hope."

"I'm not fucking wrong!" Sadie protested, a fresh bout of tears leaking from her wide blue eyes. "I saw the look on her face yesterday! It's like she's not even there anymore, Noah!"

She shrugged his hand off of her back and scowled at the black asphalt, her arms folded. "I can't bear to see her like that. It's like every time I look at her in that hospital bed I see someone who's not Millie. Three weeks ago, even two weeks ago, she was still the same girl I've known since first grade. Just...a little withered. She was still her. But when we came yesterday, it was like she was..." She fumbled for the word, tripping over every one in the English dictionary trying to come up with something, anything to describe how she felt.