Would You Run? Crankiplier high school AU

Chapter 3

A/N: this story doesn't get very many reads, but the people that do read it seem to really enjoy it so I just wanted to say thank you for that and I really really really appreciate it. Also, Monday through Friday I have school and every Saturday and Sunday I work so there's literally never a day where I'm not busy, but surprisingly, I still find loads of time to write XD just saying though, if I'm ever slow I'm really sorry I promise I'm trying <3 (I'm writing this during class right now XD)

⚠️ Trigger warning ⚠️ self harm
No seriously, this chapter delves a lot into Ethan hating himself and crying and shit so if that's sensitive to you, skip to the A/N at the end of this chapter for a summary. Your safety and mental health is more important than reading a chapter in a fan fiction. You got this bb. Stay safe and skip ahead if you need to.

To put it lightly, things have been kind of tough. I find myself just waiting to see Mark in the mornings. I don't care if he's just making fun of me or messing with me or whatever, he's talking to me and sometimes he touches me in a mockingly loving way. I don't let it show, but I've begun to love every second of it.

That being said... my mental health has insanely declined. I haven't talked to Riley as much because I just know that I'll slip and let her know about my crush. I've started to hate myself more and more every time I catch myself thinking of him or touching myself to the thought of him. I cut myself every time after. I have to. At this point it's just what I deserve.

I found myself taunting him more and going the long way through halls just to hopefully see him and provoke him. He, his friends, Riley, and everyone else just thought I was getting more confident.

Mark seemed angry today. For the first time in forever, I was almost afraid of him. Almost.

"Morning, sunshine," I chimed sarcastically. He ignored me and just kept walking. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hurtful. More hurtful than any words he'd say and any hits he'd land.

"What was that about?" Riley asked, as if I'd have a clue.
"mMm," I shrugged raising my shoulders.

( ya know what I mean? I can't figure out how to word it XD like, mMm or MmM. Basically like a closed mouth hum of "I don't know" XD)

"You alright?" she inquired with furrowed eyebrows.

"Yeah I'm good," I said convincingly; or so I thought.

"You have any major tests today?" She asked while rolling her eyes and grabbing my arm.

"I don't think so," I responded, growing confused.

"Come with me," she chimed as she guided us through the crowded halls. After trying to get her to tell me where we were going, she pulled us out of the building and only let go of me once we were next to my car.

"Riley!" I exclaimed. "What are we doing?!"

She reached into the pouch pocket of her black sweatshirt and took out my keys, manually unlocking the driver side door. She waved her arm out and pointed it back towards the passenger side of the car, escorting me in.

"Get in," she said. "We're skipping."

I didn't hesitate before getting in, but was still insanely confused. "I'm all for that Riles, but why?"

She climbed into the seat, closed the door and put the key into the ignition, turning the car on. "I know when you're lying to me, eef," she said confidently. "Somethings wrong and we need to talk about it."

Every muscle in my body tightened at her words. She was right. I have been lying. I've been lying about mark and about whether or not I'm okay and about why I haven't been talking to her as much.

My head fell onto the top of the dash board as a few tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry," I muttered weakly. My voice was hoarse and I was overwhelmed with disappoint in myself. That's all I ever really feel lately.

"Hey hey, why are you crying," she giggled with sympathy in her voice. "Look at me," she instructed while moving her hand to my face, gently nudging it to face her. "What's going on? Everything's okay. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm not mad, I'm just worried."

"Can you drive?" I asked her through cloudy eyes.

She mumbled an empathetic "of course" while putting my moms car into drive.

The entire ride home I was nervous. It felt like both an eternity and a second flew by before we arrived at Riley's doorstep.

"Okay," she said as we flopped down onto her bed. "What's going on?"

I couldn't help but stare at a stain on the carpet while she took off her boots and rambled on about how whatever it is she'll still love me.

I'm sure she will, we've been friends for a while, but I know that she'll be disappointed. There was about a minute of silence and thinking about how I'm going to word what I need to say and Riley patiently waiting, rubbing my shoulder to signify empathy and comfort. No matter how hard I searched for the right words to say, the only thing that came to my mouth was his name.

"Mark," I mumbled out without a hint of emotion in my voice or on my face.

"Oh come on Eth," Riley started, pulling me into a hug. "You know he's just a dick. Don't let him get you down, he and his friends are all just a bunch of assholes who-"

"I think I'm catching feelings for him," I cut her off, still feeling absolutely nothing.

She was silent for a little bit. Neither of us knew what to say or what to do or what to think. "Oh..." she whispered gently after a while. "Oh no."

"Ethan," she cooed while pulling me into an even tighter hug before. At the feeling of her arms around me, all the emotion came rushing back and I couldn't help but to begin sobbing.

"It's okay," she whispered slightly rocking us back and forth. "You're okay"

"I fucking hate myself," I cried into her chest. She didn't say anything, she just let me cry. "I hate myself so so much."

I could almost hear her frown from the way I was degrading myself. "I don't hate you," she said with a cracked voice after a little bit.

We had lay down at some point and I must have cried myself to sleep in her arms. When I woke up, she was playing video games at the end of her bed, whispering softly into her headset as to not disturb me. I checked the time and it was only 11:00 AM. I hadn't been out for long.

"Hey," I groaned through a yawn.

She turned her head around and quickly flashed me a smile and a hello before turning back to her game and speaking in her normal voice to a friend in the game.

After a few minutes of me watching her play, she said goodbye to the people she was talking to, switched off the game, and turned to me.

"Feeling better?" She asked.

I nodded in response. I really was feeling better. I can get through this. I know I can. This is nothing more than a stupid crush.

A/N
1404 words
Hello ^-^
This chapter was really depressing I'm sorry. I just needed to convey how painful this is for Ethan and how difficult it is on him. I love ya tho and I hope you have/had a good day xx

Summary for readers who might have been triggered:

Ethan briefly talks about the realization he had of his feelings for mark and how it's poorly affecting his mental health. Ethan taunts mark in the morning of school and mark ignored him so he got sad and Riley caught on. She convinced him to skip school and Ethan told her about his crush which was really difficult for him to do. At the end of the chapter, Ethan says "I can do this. This is just a stupid crush." And then it ends.