Would You Run? Crankiplier high school AU

Chapter 14

A/N: two in one day bb B)

!TW! Self harm. Pls don't read if you think this might trigger you :( I put a little summary at the end for anyone who might get triggered from reading the actual chapter :) mental health is important, take care of yourself my love.

Ever since the following Monday of my weekend spent with Mark, things have gotten even worse. I stopped drawing Mark. I stopped drawing anything.

The only thing I ever really do is close my eyes and listen to music, drifting in and out on consciousness stuck in the purgatory for the living.

The lines on my wrist multiplied; not because of Mark. He didn't do anything wrong I guess. Just because I'm me and I'm stuck being me and I'm stuck being in love with Mark fucking Fishbsch and I'm stuck living a life that I can't stand, spending every waking moment convincing myself that things will get better soon. When the fuck is soon?

Sometimes I ride my bike all the way across town to the stop and save where Mark works, but I can never bring myself to go in. I just watch him from the window, interacting with customers and peeking at his phone every once in a while.

I don't know what Mark ended up telling his friends about us and why I'd drawn him and knew what the inside of his bedroom looked like, but whatever it was, they were able to overlook it.

I haven't been able to bring myself to confront him, but Mark's lived up to his promise. He hasn't confronted me either in any way. He's never around when his friends poke fun at me. He's never around when I look for him at lunch. And he's never around when Seán and Riley are together.

Oh and they're doing great by the way. They both agreed not to talk about what happened with Mark and I which I think was smart, but at the same time I'm begging to know how he's doing.

My grades were beginning to slip as well- worse than they already were which was almost impossible. My mum was begging me to get a tutor but I couldn't be bothered. I don't care about anything anymore. I mean I do. I care about Riley and her happiness and my family, but that's about it. Every day in my life is spent waiting patiently for the next.

Riley came over today for the first time in a while. Along with her and Seán's agreement not to talk about Mark and I, we had one too except ours was more of an unspoken rule.

"Up for some smash bros or something?" She asked, taking her hair out of a ponytail and redoing it the same way. I just shrugged my shoulders in response. I really didn't want to, but I would for her.

"How many cuts did you make last night?" She asked. 

"None," I replied quickly with a shrug and a "white people smile" as the people who read this fanfiction like to call it. (A/N: XD)

"Pinky promise?" She asked, extending her hand, pinky up, with a smile and puppy dog eyes.

I just sighed in response. "Like 10 ish," I said with a groan.

"Alright," she said, getting comfy on my bed, sitting cross cross applesauce up near my pillows. "You know the drill."

"Please no," I begged as she pulled up youtube.

"Pick your poison," she commanded. She was being nice today. "We can do 10 minutes of cotton eye joe or 10 minutes of gangum style, what do you want?"

Ever since I started hurting myself more, Riley made up a new rule. Every cut I make is a minute of an annoying song that she forces us to listen to.

"I really don't want to listen to honky tonk today," I said with a huff, laying back. "Hit me with some psy."

"Cotton eye joe it is!" She said happily, pressing play with a smile and singing along loudly. As stupid as it sounds, this punishment thing actually works. That's what got me to stop hurting myself last night actually. I remembered the torture that I'd have to go through today.

On the second run of the song, Riley got up and started doing the dance, grabbing my hand and forcing me to do it along with her. I groaned and cringed as I lazily tapped my legs along to the beat but before I knew it, we were both laughing our asses off at each other's lack of rhythm. I love this girl so so much.

We eventually fell back on to my bed, sweating and laughing. It might have been the first time I genuinely smiled and laughed this hard since Mark.

Mark...

At the thought of him, my laughter died down and I was stuck staring at the ceiling while Riley rambled on about why that song is so popular, but I didn't listen.

You know I think that I can actually do this. I mean, he's hot and funny and nice and- okay it doesn't matter. He's a lot of great things, but at the end of the day, he's the kind of guy who's willing to watch people humiliate me and not do anything about it. He's a guy who's hit me and made me cry and literally hate living. I just have to hold on to those memories.

I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I can do this. Fuck Mark.

A/N: I've got big plans, gamers ^-^
1009 words.

Summary: Ethan gets really depressed and one day Riley comes over and basically just forces him to do the cotton eye joe until he feels better. (Yes I know, amazing ideas floating through my head I have no clue why I decided to write this chapter it just felt necessary XD) Ethan comes to the realization that he will be able to get over Mark and that he's strong enough to do this.