Unfixable [h.s]

1- Porolgue

Hands fiddling with the tiles of the piano. it was the only thing that could bring peace to my mind. The smooth sound that comes out of the piano when my fingers touch it, the impressive feeling of my muscles remembering exactly how to move— without me having the smallest thought about where to now.

🎶I'm jealous of the rain-🎶

I began singing after finishing the intro.

Jealousy and envy, cruel feelings of the mind and heart— to wish that you had something that another person has. People always wish they had something they have never had. and what most cruel about it, is that people can't control this feeling at all. You can think that a person has it all but truly he has nothing, Mostly you'll think it about those rich ass people cuase mainly they have money and money can solve lots of problems right?

because its all about money. What is money? Money is basically a thing that almost everybody wishes for, but why? Not necessarily because they are greedy, but to feel alive. But why does having money make you feel alive? Why having a piece of paper, or a stupid credit card makes you feel alive? It actually doesn't. We think so because we look at other people, envy their power and ability to travel and buy things that most of us might can't, but are they truly alive? Or are they just showing it??

"🎶That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been-🎶"

If they have money, and they can travel the world, having all that we desire, things that we might can't get, does it mean they are more alive than us?

Well, ask yourself this. Why do they have money? Why do they deserve it and why don't we? Why do they deserve travelling the world and seeing places, places that we seek and can't find, places that we want to go and be at but can't, why is that?

"🎶I'm jealous of the rain-🎶"

Sacrifices. They sacrifice things that to us, might be too much, might look too important, might look like we really need it. They truly sacrifice things that we might can't, and then, they arrive to where they are today. or maybe they just had borne into the "right family" right? So we talked about envy right? Jealousy? I'm not jealous of them "living the life I want to have" basically because it isn't the life I want. I don't wanna sacrifice my complete soul for having money, that by the way, I don't really need, I love *living* my life.

living is to fear sometimes and look around and seek for new things, living is not being born and already being at the top.

Living is to be born into a complete new life and to search how I can do it myself, how can I be at the top, not because of my money. But because of my struggles, my strength, my will, my skills. Ways that I don't have to sell my soul to the devil.

Take an example.

I love running around and playing basketball. Nobody looks at me like a rich person and asking why am I doing it, cause nobody has expectations from me and I love it, I love living my life without people getting into it, I love my silence and I love being myself. I love my privacy and I love to do as I wish. I don't see a rich guy just walking around the street and people won't look at him like a serious person and envy his job, envy his life, envy his children for living such an amazing life all just from judging.

I don't envy it.

I don't envy them. if right now they would want to go and play basketball. People will be like "omg I would have never guessed" or "they look so busy. I thought they actually have no life after work, if they even have time after" talking about them like they are workaholic. Maybe they are, but still, does it mean they can't do it? I don't envy the way people will look at them and I don't envy their "perfect" life cause I don't know it all and I don't wanna know. I don't envy what I don't fully know.