Unfixable [h.s]

9- True colours

"you have a very lovely laugh, you should really laugh more and stop being sad. that my job here from now on"

I roll my eyes. Why would it be his mission, it's gonna annoy him because I'm never in this kind of mood.

"Haha, right. Good luck with that"

—-

"You don't believe I can make you laugh all the time?"

I pull out a fake laugh and he rolls his eyes.
I fake laugh a lot. I tend to do it whenever my mum tries to make me laugh because I'm always with those "sad eyes" like she calls it. I try to make her feel better because it's truly isn't her fault— she did try to get away from my toxic father but every single time he made it impossible for her to just leave.

"Why would you make such an effort for a girl you don't know that much?" I don't understand his mind which makes me curious about him, it seems like he really is into figuring me out and understanding what makes me laugh.

"I don't know why, maybe mostly because you interest me. I can't read you which absolutely annoys me but more than that you remind me of myself when I was just beginning my career, I was lost and everything seemed unreal and chaotic that eventually I just lost myself. my mum used to say that I should really think about acting career because when I was outside I looked ok but when I was at home I was truly myself, wasn't even trying to hide the fact that I'm having a hard time out there an absolutely losing myself"

I slowly nod, taking it all in, now I can finally understand what makes him return to me all the time, even though it's still kinda weird. After a few moments of silence he scoffs out of the blue,

"She used to say that when ever I smiled I had a cloud of gloom behind it that wouldn't make the smile on my face seem like a smile"

I looked at him seeing that all he does is play with a piece of grass he ripped from the ground and I looked down at my own hands doing the same. Seems like we have the same bad habit of ruining the nature around us as we talk. Sorry mother nature.

"And you love, you have the same cloud. And your laugh? your laugh is the most sad laugh I've ever heard"

I looked up at him again but this time his eyes were already staring at my own ones, I was a bit taken back by the words he said cause I knew he was honest and it annoyed me that he could understand me so easily and figure me out so quickly. I mean guided the shallow parts of me cause the deep parts I don't think I'll even talk with him about these kinds of things.

"Why were you so distant in the morning?"

I decided that I don't want to talk about myself anymore. I'm quite annoyed by this kind of talk we're having—it's too much for me right now and I really don't want him to just try and read everything I do like I'm the mystery and he's Sherlock.

"Yesterday shook me up a bit, I didn't know if you wanted to talk or not cause I thought I scared you, hence I kept my distance from you expecting it will be easier for you. That's the same reason i left your room at night, by the way."

I nod at him and look back at the grass in his hand, then at mine. I wanted to explain to him that I wasn't scared and that it was just an instinct to protect myself but I stopped myself—thinking forward, I know it'll just make him more curious about the question of 'why', and i dont want to talk about it. Shawn, Cory, Mikey (plus the 5sos boys) and my mum are the only people who know about everything, and Cory was Shawns choice, not mine.

"I think we totally ruined the grass over this part of the ground" he chuckled nervously as we both looked in front of us and saw how much of the grass we picked from the ground and just ripped it out, putting in a pile.