Unfixable [h.s]

7- Just A Dream

A nightmare

also called a bad dream. It's an unpleasant dream that can cause a strong emotional response from the mind, typically fear but also despair, anxiety or great sadness.

Psychological nomenclature differentiates between nightmares and bad dreams, specifically, people remain asleep during bad dreams whereas nightmares can awaken individuals.

The dream may contain situations of discomfort, psychological or physical terror or panic. After a nightmare, a person will often awaken in a state of distress and may be unable to return to sleep for a short period of time.

Eyes open.

Darkness.

Chest movements. Up, down and again.

Chin pressed to my head.

Hand around his body holding him close, his hand on my upper hand and the other on my waist, cuddling me warmly.

I know it's not Shawn now which makes me feel unprotected and freaked. I know him for such a small amount of time, I don't trust him to hold my body in such a vulnerable moment, in such an intimate way when I don't have my defences up. Only my brother stays with me at night, holding me as the nightmares arrive.

I hate nightmares.

Nightmares are the thing that makes my day even worse. Nightmares make me feel hate towards myself even more. Nightmares are the reason I will never go on school trips nor a vacation with Cory and Shawn. Cory doesn't know and I don't want him to know about those nightmares.

Breathing.

I breathe loud and heavy.

I always wake up in a shock, feel the pain through my body even though it's no longer there.

His hands gripping me tighter, instinct. Wanting to know what just happened and why my head is no longer on his chest in an instant move.

"What's wrong??" His voice was full of worry, deep raspy morning voice that runs chills through my body, but I don't hear him very acute, it's more of a muffle. His hand travelling up and down my upper hand, trying to sooth me. I know it's not morning yet and I think I might get him to move and sleep on the couch.

Breaths. Heavy panting. I can't breathe.

He gets up from his position to one like mine. Legs spread out but the body is up, sitting and looking at me. I move my legs and push my knees up, resting my head upon my knees, I'm starting to freak out.

Where's all the air?

I keep trying to breath but I just can't, tears stream down my face as I panic.

His hands come up to my face and he cups my cheeks between his hands. Taking the tears to his thumb, brushing it away from my face.

One of his hands let go as he turned around and opened the nightlight, but when he turned around back to me he returned his hand to my face.

"Look at my eyes,"

I hear his voice again but still my ears can't hear it right and the voice is like I'm with headphones and someone's talking to me. It's like I'm in a bubble.

I keep panicking and crying. I can't seem to focus on the words he says. He speaks, that I know, but my brain can't do as he says, I hear him but I don't get it. I can't process a word he says. I feel like my mind is blank when I try to understand what he says.

"Hey, hey, look at my eyes Lily"

Lily.

The way only Shawn calls me and sometimes mum.