The Fault in Our Stars - Larry Stylinson

220

*trigger warning*

I ran all the way to my flat.

Grasping for air.

Tears were streaming down my face.

When I went I saw myself in the mirror and felt self-hatred taking over.

Harry had looked so broken when I saw him in the hallway.

And it was my fault.

I had hurt Harry and I hated myself for it.

If only I wasn't so fucked up maybe things could work between me and Harry.

But now they never will.

I glanced at the fading scars on my wrists.

The first weeks after mom's death had been a really dark time.

I wasn't proud of it.

But sometimes physical pain is a lot easier to deal with than emotional.

I looked at my wrists once again.

Then I said fuck it and dug for the razor blad in the bathroom cabinet.

I had hid it from myself since I kinda figured I would wanna use it again.

I felt the cold metal slit my wrist and the blod sipping out.

I did 10 more quick cuts.

The stinging pain numbed the hurricane of emotions I felt inside.

For the moment everything felt okay.

I heard a knock on the door.

"Louis"

"Open the door"

I panicked.

I wrapped some toilet paper around my wrist and pulled down the sleeve of my hoodie.

"Louis please" Harry cried out.

His voice cracked and I could hear that he was crying.

I felt my heart ache.

Finally I opened the door.

I looked up at him, he had tears in his eyes.

"Louis I'm so sorry, I never meant to force myself on you please forgive me I'm an idiot, I just really like you.." He rambled.

"Don't say sorry please, you didn't force me to do anything" I said.

"I fucked it up I'm sorry" Harry said looking me in the eyes.

"Harry please listen to me this isn't your fault I'm just to fucked up for you"

"No"

"It's true I don't deserve you, I'm not good enough for you" I said as I felt a tear leave my eye.

"Lou you're perfect for me" Harry said.

I just shook my head and turned away from him.

Harry grabbed my wrist.

I flinched in pain.

Harry noticed.

He started to pull up my sleeve.

"Harry please don't.." I tried to but it was already too late.

The cuts had bled through the toilet paper a long time ago.

Harry unwrapped my arm then he just stared at the cuts for a long time.

"Lou, what have you done? He said looking up at me, tears were streaming down his face.

"I told you"

"I'm fucked up" I said.

"Oh, Lou"

He brought me into his arms for the tightest hug I've ever felt.

I could feel him crying against my shoulder.

We stood there just holding each other, crying for hours.