The Fault in Our Stars - Larry Stylinson

Epilogue

The first couple of weeks after the overdose had been hard, the anxiety was worse than ever and it felt like I was living in a constant fever dream. I suffered from nightmares where I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying, had multiple breakdowns a day and numerous outlashes at Harry. It wasn't easy but we got through it, together. Now I was slowly and steadily getting better. I went to a therapist once a week to once and for all actually deal with the grief of losing my mother. The sessions have really helped me and I have come to understand that mom doesn't want me to come now we will meet again when it's actually time. So instead I'm living one life for the two of us.

Me and Harry's relationship has had it's ups and downs but right now we're going stronger than ever. I can never thank him enough for saving me from commiting a terrible mistake, I owe my life to him. I can't help but believe that it was mom who sent Harry my way to help me up from the dark hole I was stuck in.  He let me cry on his shoulder. He wiped my tears. He held me in his arms when I'd woken up from a nightmare. He sang me to sleep. When I was getting anxious he took me on car rides with blasting music because he knew that it was my favourite thing to do. Without him I would be nothing. He is my everything.

I heard my phone ring from across the flat. Harry's face lit up the screen, I quickly picked up.

"Hi babe! Are you here soon?" I asked excitedly. Harry had been out of town for the last two days and I was missing him like crazy. Today was our one year anniversary and I was waiting impatiently on him to get home so we could celebrate.

"Lou, I'm sorry" Harry said. I could tell that something was off by his voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"I'm not gonna make it back home today" He said.

"But what about the two days- rule?" I asked. When me and Harry first got together we made a rule that we never would spend more than two straight days apart. We had never broken that rule, not even once.

"I'm sorry about breaking it but I mean three days is almost the same as two" Harry said carefreely. I didn't understand why it didn't seem like a big deal to him, three days days is not the same as two and what is even the point of having a rule if you're gonna break it.

"But what about our anniversary then?" I could hear my voice almost breaking.

"Oh yeah right, we'll celebrate it tomorrow instead" He answered. Had he forgotten about our one year anniversary? Now I felt the tears burning behind my eyes.

"No it's not how it wo-" I tried to protest but Harry cut me off.

"I'm sorry but I have to go see you tomorrow, love you" He said in a rush and hung up before I got the chance to say anything back. I stood with the phone in my hand in the middle of the living room. I couldn't believe it, Harry had forgotten about our anniversary. I felt a tear running down my cheek. I was confused, he was acting so weird. Distanced and cold. Was he leaving me? Had he met someone new? I knew that I wasn't good enough for him now finally he had realized it as well.

Harry couldn't break up with me. He was my everything, he was all I had. All the voices in my head were screaming at me. Maybe I was overreacting? Maybe he had something really important to do. I went to check his location on my phone. That's when I realized that it was turned off. Harry always had his location on. I felt my stomach drop. Harry had met someone else, he was going to leave me. I honestly couldn't blame him though it must be tiring to always have someone relying on you, to have to babysit your own boyfriend. Of course he wants to be with someone who's independent and confident, not someone like me who's weak and anxious.

It all made sense.

My thoughts were overwhelming me, I needed air. I threw on my black hoodie and tied my shoes. Didn't even care to lock the door before I left. The streets were empty. Went into a supermarket and bought cigarettes. Smoked the whole pack while I continued to walk around town for hours. I realized that I had gotten dark outside and looked at my phone for the time: 10.53 pm. I sighed, I didn't want to go back to the flat because I knew that I would never be able to fall asleep. So instead I walked to the park. It was empty of course as always at this time. I sat down at my usual spot or what had been our spot for the past year. I felt my cheeks wetten once again.

The silence suddenly broke and I heard music playing behind me. I turned around. A long, dark figure stepped out of the shadows. Harry.

I raised to my feet.

"Stop, I know what you're going to say, I'm not ready to hear it yet" I cried out.

"What?" Harry looked at me in confusion.

"You're breaking up with me you don't need to say anything" My voice broke and the tears were streaming down my face.

"No Lou, what are you talking about? I'm not breaking up with you" Harry said.

"But you forgot about our anniversary and you turned off your location. You have someone else haven't you?"

"Of course I haven't I have you and you are all I ever need"

"I only pretended to have forgotten about the anniversary so I could surprise you" He continued. I looked away from him. I wanted to believe him but I knew that even he hadn't realised yet that he could do so much better than me, eventually he would. It went silent between us. The only thing that could be heard was "All of the stars" that had begun to play in the background.

"Lou, please look at me" Harry begged. Slowly I turned towards him. Harry was standing on one knee with a ring in his hand.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you it was never my intention I just wanted to surprise you. I would never leave you for someone else. I was nothing before I met you. You're my everything"

I couldn't believe what was happening I really thought that Harry was going to breakup with me.

"Louis William Tomlinson, will you marry me?" He asked, looking me in the eyes.

The tears were flowing down my cheeks once again. God I loved him so much.

"You know I've been stumbling, looking in the dark with an empty heart. But now you say you feel the same. Could we ever be enough?" I asked.

"Baby, we could be enough" Harry smiled at me.

"When you're lost, I'll find the way. I'll be your light. You'll never feel like you're alone. I'll make this feel like home" He continued.

I reached out my hand and let him put the ring on my finger.

"We'll make this feel like home"