The Fault in Our Stars - Larry Stylinson

13

Nothing wakes you up like waking up alone.
Harry and I still hadn't talked since yesterday.

I felt terrible, Harry had looked so hurt when I'd told him that I didn't need him and nothing's worse than hurting who you love. I regret all the stupid shit I said, Harry didn't deserve any of that. It was all lies as well, I was a wreck before I met Harry and now he was the only thing keeping me alive. If I only wasn't so fucking stupid.

I sat down at the window bench and pulled a cigarette out the package, hoping to relieve the anxiety a bit. But a whole package later I still felt as shitty as ever. I decided to take shower instead. Went into the bathroom, took off my clothes and unwrapped the bandage Harry had put around my wrists. I stepped into the shower, the warm water made the cuts sting. I tried to wrap my head around the situation but it was all so messy. I ended up showering for three hours, trying to figure everything out.

I came to the conclusion that I needed to apologize to Harry, I didn't expect him to forgive me but I just couldn't leave in peace without apologizing. Pulled my phone out of my pocket, debated one last time before pressing call. It went straight to voicemail. I sighed and typed in a text message instead.

Louis 08.23 pm

Please call me back when you see this

I sent it and put the phone back in my pocket. The flat felt so empty without Harry, it had only been a day I already missed him so much. He really was my everything, without him I was lost. I didn't know what to do anymore, everything had lost its meaning. I really couldn't deal with another heartbreak.

I just stared at the ceiling for hours. 10.50 pm and Harry still hadn't called or texted me back. I tried to convince myself that he just was busy but deep down I knew that Harry always answered his phone. Fuck, he really must hate me...

Since I hadn't left the flat since the day before yesterday I decided to go for a walk it's not like I was going to be able to fall asleep anyways. Shot a glance in the mirror, I really looked more dead than alive. My eyes were all puffy and dried out after all the crying I'd done in the last couple of days. My face was sunken and my cheekbones more defined since I hadn't really eaten that much lately. I put on my black hoodie and pulled up the hood to hide everything. Tied my shoes on, locked up the door and went outside.

Started walking, it was actually pretty nice outside, it had just turned dark and it really wasn't that cold. It was a starry night. I felt the urge to smoke but had no cigarettes left so I just kept on walking. Suddenly, I found myself standing in front of the park, I hadn't even realised that I was headed that way. I debated whether I should go or not but then I just said fuck it and went for it. When I got closer to our spot I noticed someone sitting in the dark.

Harry

My stomach did a loop. I walked closer, cleared my throat, Harry looked up at me.

"I kinda hoped that you would come" He said.

"I kinda hoped that you would be here as well" I said as I sat down next to him.

"Lou, I'm sorry for everything" I looked at him, he looked just as broken as I did.

"Don't say sorry, I'm the one who fucked up"

"I shouldn't have been so insensitive, I know that you're struggling to get better and I can't expect you to don't make any mistakes along the way" Harry said. I felt my eyes tearing up. He was just too nice.

"It just frustrates me when you get like this because I see how much you're hurting while I can't do anything about it. I feel like the worst boyfriend ever. I just want to make you happy" Harry continued, his voice cracked at the end. That's when I broke, I pulled Harry into my arms and let my tears flow.

"You make me so happy you don't even know. Please forgive me for all the shit I said yesterday. I don't mean a single thing of what I said. I need you more than you will understand" I said. Harry was quiet for a long time. The silence made me nervous.

"I forgive you" He finally said.

"Just know that I'm here for you please" I just nodded in response.

Then our lips finally reunited.