oh, anna [-hs]

all i want

a/n idk guys this one is kinda boring sorry :/

29.

I wake up to a crack of thunder. My back and legs are sore, my eyes heavy. I push up off the mattress and glance around the unfamiliar room.

Stacks of books are piled around the floor, crammed onto shelves, pouring out of drawers. On top of a messy dresser is a green, leafy plant that pours all the way down to the floor. I smile a little at the sight in the dark, rubbing my eyes. And then finally my gaze darts down to the figure laying beside me.

She sleeps pleasantly. Shit, what was her name. I don't remember.

While I'm still a little tired, I have absolutely no desire to lay back down and sleep here any longer. I feel itchy, strange spending another moment in the space. I quietly pull the covers off of me, find my clothes, and tie my shoes, grab Cherry and my bag, before tip toeing out the door.

That was nice... but it didn't feel like, I don't know a word that makes sense. Right? Enough? Something's missing. Maybe it's the twinge of guilt in my chest that's clueing me into it. Although I have no idea why I should feel guilty.

I step out of the building and I am immediately pelted by the downpour. I squint and look up at the sky, letting the rain soak into my skin. It's refreshing for a moment, quenching my parched body. And then I'm struck with a chill, and run for the cover of Emma's car. The inside is dry, cold, and until I stick the key into the ignition, dark. When I start the car the dashboard lights up blue and green. My teeth chatter, my wet hair sticks to the back of my neck.

That single moment in the rain felt so good, it seeped into me, filled me up. And one instant later I was left freezing. It flipped, in a mere second. I pull out of the parking spot, the windshield wipers whining incessantly. With each stroke they provide a moment of clarity, before the glass becomes blurred again. I reach a hand up to squeeze the water out of my hair.

Comfort and then discomfort. Peace and then a storm. So sudden, the switch flips without any warning. That's what I'm afraid of, what I've always been afraid of since Danny. And it all comes from my own mind. I invent the storm. I am the storm. I hate that, but it's how it is.

Not how it's going to be though. That's what therapy is for. I'm trying to shake the storm, lose the discomfort.

I'm racing down the streets, the car driving as fast as my thoughts. Raindrops fleck away from the windows. My foot slips and slides across the gas pedal. My hands grip damply at the wheel.

The light turns red in front of me and I contemplate running it, but slam on the brake instead.

I probably look wild. I feel wild. The rain woke up some weird thoughts in me. Sleeping with whoever that woman was woke some weird thoughts in me.

Isn't that insane? Last night everything felt so intimate, so personal, so real. It felt like we had known each other forever. It felt like we had no choice but to sleep together. And now in the dark, early hours of the morning I can't even remember her name. She felt foreign in a way that made me get up out of bed and run into the cold downpour.

The light turns green and I ease off the brake, inching my way into the intersection, when suddenly--

A truck flies across the road and grazes my bumper.

I slam onto the brake again as they run their red light, my heart pounding, my skin suddenly red hot. I gasp and my body grows rigid.

The car soars down the road, until it's nothing more than a rumble in the distance and I'm alone on the street again.