Someday

Chapter 29

I take a seat on one of the benches and sighed.
I thought about everything which happened recently.
I know what I did was wrong but I couldn't help it .. I needed to feel like i was in control to prevent anything unexpected and to know how to handle things by knowing enough information.

"What's with the sad face ?"
I look beside me and there was Jason , he had two orange juices . He offers one and I take it gulping it down .

"Slow down there " he chuckles.

"Was I wrong Jason?" I ask and look at him helplessly.

"You should have talked with him first bella , you can't just decide by yourself " Jason admits.

"But he didn't even give me a chance to " I sigh.

" it must be hard for him , I assume he's still in shock " Jason explains.

"He must not know what to do , and at the same time he doesn't want you to regret being with him " he continues.

"I feel like he's slipping away from my fingers and I'm just sitting here helpless " I declare and cry silently.
Jason takes a breathe out and takes a sip from his orange juice.

"Did you think this through bella? It's a huge turning point . Do you think you'll handle it? Did you think about yourself, because You never talked about how you feel about all of this , you're just busy trying to fix it ignoring the damage you're causing to yourself " Jason states.

"I don't know .. " I say surprising myself .

"I don't know what to expect or what to do .. I just know that I need to fix it " I finish.

"I just realized that we both .. Art and I depended on the word someday in our different ways without realizing.. that it was ruining our lives " I explain.

" I love him , and I can't let go of him. He's everywhere. I can't say someday He'll come back. I'm not going to lie to myself again " I cry out loud now accepting the pain that I was feeling , accepting that I'm in pain and it's not something that I can fix immediately.

"Bella .. take deep breaths " Jason says soothingly patting my shoulder.

"In my opinion , Someday is a beautiful word. it gives you hope and it motivates you to make it happen , you just use it wrongly." He continues.

"Maybe .. maybe we did " I chuckle.

"But I think I'll never be okay again" I sniffle looking at Jason.

"you can't decide when you're going to be okay. Because you don't exactly know when , and That's when you can say someday
Because someday you'll be." He answers . I smile at him for making me feel better and he smiles back knowingly.

"You know why did I come here to be a doctor ?" He asks.

"No .. you never told me " I frown.

"I came here wanting to understand life and death, and to conquer my fears .. because death terrified me." He articulates.

"In a second death took my whole family away.. so that's why I was terrified .. I was terrified of unexpected goodbyes "

"But then I fell in-love .. When I saw her laughing the kind of laugh which was like melody to my ears... somehow goodbyes didn't seem to scare me anymore " he smiles looking at me warmly.

"Each time I saw her she was life.. blooming in a special way which made me not fear death even if it was for a second " he laughs quietly.

"Who's that lucky lady who did this to you?" I question awed by his honesty and raw feelings that he suddenly exposed.