Torn

Chapter 11✓

Carter 

I spend the next few weeks alone at the cabin, fixing up some of the smaller projects I can take on myself. The only time I have left is when I've taken grandpa's old jeep to town to load up on groceries, but I make sure my trips are an "in and out" kind of mission. The last thing I want to do is end up running into one of the guys, or heaven forbid both at the same time.

I've thought about that night non-stop. It kills me inside to finally know what it's like to kiss them, to feel their bodies on mine and then I went and made them leave.

I can't help but feel like they've betrayed me, and now I keep feeling like I am grieving for the friendship that I once knew and the relationships that I thought we had.

I don't know what to think or what to believe. All I know is that I have always been open and honest with them both. I had loved them so completely when we were younger and the moment I trip and stumble back into their lives, I still gave them full access to my heart without even stopping to think if they had or would do the same in return.

I was so convinced that we would be able to pick things up where we had left off all those years ago that I didn't stop to think that they may be in a very different place than I am.

I realize that this is their secret. It's not about me. It's something that could potentially put them in danger by letting an outsider know. I've concluded that it's my hurt pride and ego stepping in and I need to figure out how to let that go.

I know that I'm being unfair and that I have overreacted. It's not like what they told me was an everyday kind of secret. Would I have even believed them had they told me when we were kids? I shake my head, no way in hell. I would have jumped on the "Xander and Quinn are crazy" train before they could even finish saying "werewolf".

I sit in grandpa's chair in the living room with a steaming cup of tea. I tuck my hair behind one ear and try to think about what I should do. I don't know how to talk to the guys about it, or if I should even try. They didn't want me to know who they really are and the only reason that I had found out in the first place was because of a slip up.

I'm still stuck on the thought that they either couldn't or wouldn't trust me and it's hard to let that go. It's become obvious that I'm not made to be in their world and that they don't want me to be a part of it. Maybe it's best for me to let the past stay in the past and walk away.

The thought immediately puts a dull ache in my gut. I know it's my hurt pride and ego talking again, but admitting it, and doing something about it, are two completely different things. I know that I don't want to let them go again. I don't want to walk away. I've spent my whole life running and hiding. I think maybe it's best to stop letting my past dictate my future and finally be the one who takes control of how I get to live my life for once.

I can finally set roots down here. I can call this place my home once more. It's been a few weeks now and I haven't felt the creepy chill of being watched or uncomfortable. There's been no sense of danger.

I pull up my phone and open my travel account. Hovering my finger over the big red button that would cancel my flights and hotel packages, I take a deep breath and press my thumb down.

Here goes nothing.

Within moments a confirmation email pops up, letting me know that the process has been completed. It's final, I'm staying.

"Fuck..." I grumble and run a hand through my hair. I need to get out of the cabin and get some fresh air. I look over to the little box sitting on the counter and I know exactly what I need to do.

It's time to let go.

I get up from my seat and move to place my now empty mug in the sink before turning to go upstairs to my room so I can get dressed for the first time in a few days.