goth angel sinner - dreamnap (sequel to cowys)

on melancholy hill - gorillaz

up on melancholy hill
sits the manatee, love
just looking out for the day
when you're close to me

xxx

my bed is cluttered with crayons, papers, post-it notes and other supplies for my schoolwork. senior year, and they're making us create a poster for the final technology project? i couldn't fucking believe it. when i tried protesting all i got was detention, so no excuses i guess. i'll just have to sit on my ass for hours and do this.

i want to make my poster as childish and messy as humanly possible. most of the blank spaces are already filled with ugly scribbles and drawings, but i need there to be more as a last fuck you to my teacher. i press a pink crayon against the paper so hard that a whole chunk of color comes off. who even cares anymore.

i sigh, changing positions. my mind soon wanders off to distant places. the days since that unforgettable party have been horribly mundane. almost a week has passed and i'm just getting lonelier. none of my friends ever talk to me these days, probably too busy doing other things. i've been craving human contact like never before, and it's slowly killing me.

one specific person keeps appearing in my thoughts. the person i've been longing for the most through all of this. no matter what i try and do to distract myself he keeps coming back, keeps me hooked. his sparkling eyes are on my mind all the time, and from the bottom of my heart i wish he could just be with me right now, right here.

but he hasn't even called me once since that night, let alone texted me. i think i've already accepted the fact that i'll never see him again. it hurts, but it's the truth. he was drunk and he regretted it all the next day, wanted nothing more to do with me. i'm convinced.

maybe that's why i get so surprised when a handful of pebbles suddenly hit my bedroom window. the pink crayon falls onto the floor, rolling in under the dresser. i hurry off my bed to go see what the hell's going on outside.

it can't be zak or anyone else, right? why would they show up like this, after having ignored me for so long? and besides, they'd go through the front door, not throw rocks at the window.

i lean over my cluttered desk, peering out to see who's there. at first the boy doesn't look familiar to me. he's clad in a beige hoodie and ripped jeans, his light brown hair sticking out everywhere. it could be anyone from this neighborhood. it's only when he looks up, eyes meeting mine, that i recognize him. holy fuck.

i lose my breath, heart pumping like crazy inside my chest. no way. no way.

with shaky hands i reach over to open the window, struggling to even push it out.

"n-nick?"
"clay!"

he smiles so brightly that i almost go blind. oh, that smile. that damn smile.

"oh my god, y-you're-"
"i'm here, yeah," he chuckles.
"i- come in," i stutter, holding my hands out for him to take.

he gladly accepts, and i help pull him up through the opening. i'm still in shock as he crawls in, landing on the mess on my desk before being able to set his feet down. once he's steadily standing on the floor he dusts himself off, looking playful and happier than ever. he's here. he's really here.

"i've missed you so much."

his arms snake around my waist as he says that. the simple contact sends me flying.

"please tell me you've missed me too."

i cup his soft cheek, my expression bearing a look of such intense adoration.

"i haven't been able to get you out my head."

he giggles and i melt. i pinch myself to see if i'm dreaming but i'm not. nick is here, holding me in his arms and telling me how much he's missed me. i think i've been blessed.

"sorry i didn't text you, i kinda couldn't," he sighs, "i'll tell you the story, but can we lay down first?"
"of course."

i walk over to my bed, swiftly swiping my entire technology project down onto the floor. so what if it gets ruined? i'll just redo it. nick is more important anyway. he takes his worn old vans off before launching himself into the mattress. his giddy excitement matches a little kid's, and i find it adorable.

"so, what's up?" i ask, laying down beside him and observing his perfectly sculpted face.
"well uh, my parents caught me sneaking back into my room that morning, so..."

he pauses, anxiously biting his bottom lip.

"you probably understand how that turned out. i really really wanted to talk to you, but they took away my phone immediately, so that wasn't happening. your address was written in there too so i couldn't come over until i got it back. literally the second i did i just went straight here. i'm still grounded though, if they catch me out the house again i'm.. well..."

he only seems to sink further into the mattress, sadly smiling at me like it's all satire.

"oh my god," i mumble, lacking better things to say, "nick i- i don't know what to say."
"i've still got the bruises."
"can i see? i understand if you don't wanna show me."
"yeah, i guess."

after a moment of hesitation he grabs the hem of his hoodie, slowly rolling it up to reveal an array of scattered marks, tainting his beautiful skin. it's a sickly mess of blue, green, yellow and purple. my heart shatters, tears welling up. i lightly brush my fingers against them as if they would magically heal under my touch.

"fuck those pieces of shit. fuck them for doing this to you."
"it's whatever."

"no, it's not," i tell him, hand on his shoulder, "i don't want them to hurt you ever again. just come over here whenever things get shitty, okay? my doors will always be open for you."
"thank you so much clay."

i pull him closer, feeling his body heat.

"and, i sure don't mind you staying for.. a little longer, if you get me."
"i do," he blushes.

xxx

so let's set out to sea, love
cause you're my medicine
when you're close to me
when you're close to me