goth angel sinner - dreamnap (sequel to cowys)

teen romance - lil peep

give me your hand
(fuck it)
teen romance

xxx

"do you ever wonder what the stars are?"
"what do you mean?"

he diverts his gaze away from me, instead focusing it on the glimmering light sources in the night sky.

"well, like, what are they?"
"they're suns or dead suns really far away," i chuckle, "our sun just happens to be the closest and the one our earth orbits around. they taught us this in elementary dude."

i scoot a little closer for heat as he passes the blunt. it's not cold out, but the roof tiles aren't exactly warming at night. this place has been my escape ever since we moved here. whenever i need to clear my head from all the stress of daily life, all the trouble, or just when i can't sleep, i come out here to calm myself. fresh air is effective for those kinds of things, and the stars are just an added bonus.

it may seem silly and edgy to outsiders; laying on the roof of my house for fun, just like a rebel stoner kid. but it truly does help. and now it feels even better, even more surreal, having nick by my side.

"yeah but, what do they represent you know? what's their purpose?"
"you're so high," i wheeze, taking a drag.
"whatever," he huffs, "it's just nice thinking about."

"you're cute when you're high."
"shut up!"

he furiously blushes, hiding his face in my black hoodie.

"actually, you're cute even when you're not high."
"you're cute," he retaliates, still redder than a tomato.
"no, you're cute."
"i said you're cute!"

"you're cute times a thousand," i mutter.
"you're cute times a million."
"you're cute times a billion."
"you're cute times... a quadrillion."
"well you're cute times a quintillion."
"you're cute times sextillion."
"you're cute times septillion, beat that dumbass."
"you're cute times infinity!"
"that doesn't exist, cutie," i mock, pecking his cheek.

he steals the blunt from me, pouting so adorably that my heart does backflips. i nuzzle his soft hair, sighing happily. it smells like sweet candy, just like my shampoo.

"you know, my aunt used to tell me the stars were all the people that have died and gone to heaven."

i crane my neck to look up at them again.

"she said that if you lose someone meaningful you should look for the biggest, brightest one," he continues, "and that's the person looking down on you. so cheesy but i kinda like it."
"me too honestly."

my arms wrap around his warm body so that i'm hugging his side. he exhales, distracted by said white dots. i feel blessed. i feel like whatever mighty power is lurking up there, whatever power it is that controls the world, has blessed me by giving me this beautiful boy to love.

love?

yeah. i think i love him.

my lips gently kiss his neck just underneath his ear, where the skin is already purple. goosebumps appear almost immediately. i know he loves it when i do this. that's why he's got so many hickeys in the first place.

at first i was hesitant, knowing how his parents might react if he came home multicolored, neck and collarbones and chest full of bruises. but after him begging me to go on, and me seeing how much he truly enjoys it, i simply couldn't stop myself. he said afterwards that he'd just cover it up with makeup or a turtleneck.

i'm pulled out of my thoughts by nick shifting slightly in my grasp, turning over just enough to look at me.

"have you ever lost someone close to you?"
"not really," i mumble, "my mom, i guess. but she died giving birth to me, so i don't remember her."
"i'm sorry.." he replies, frowning.

"it's alright. i never met her. i can't imagine what it was like for my dad though. he got me, but at the price of his lover's life. it makes me ashamed of being alive sometimes."

nick hurriedly snatches the blunt right out of my mouth so that i start coughing.

"don't say that baby! it wasn't your fault she died."
"still. it must've crushed him. i know he picked up drinking afterwards, as a coping mechanism. he still drinks a little too much but despite that he's the sweetest, and he would never do anything to hurt me. that's real dedication."

"ugh," nick whines, "can he just adopt me? come on..."
"ew! that'd make us stepbrothers dude!"

both of us lose our shit. visible tears run down his flushed cheeks, only making me laugh more. my wheezing has the same effect on him. it's like we're triggering each other, and it's wonderful.

"yeah yeah, but you get what i mean!"
"i do."

once we've collected ourselves a nice, soothing silence sets in. he snuggles up to me again. i put my hand on his chest where his heart is, just so i can feel the rhythmical beating in my fingertips. it gives me warmth, and comfort. knowing my favorite boy is right here.

it's just me and him, him and me, alone in this shitty place, alone under all these stars. i wouldn't ask for anything more. how could i, when i've already got the entire world in my arms? what more can the mighty powers possibly give me?

nick yawns, stretching while still staying next to me.

"are you tired, angel?" i coo, petting his silky hair.
"angel?"
"yeah. you're my angel."

he giggles so softly, and his cheeks turn pink like cotton candy. i have to admit he's got me on a leash. especially when he subconsciously becomes this cute.

"carry me to bed," he dares.
"woah your majesty, that's a lot to ask from a peasant like me, don't you think?"
"you're so dumb clay, oh my god."
"oh shut up, you're one to talk."

"dude, just carry me to bed! what's the problem?" he wonders, getting increasingly frustrated, "i thought you were supposed to be a big, strong man."
"i'm joking, i'm joking!" i chuckle, "of course i'll carry you babygirl."

surprisingly he doesn't even cringe at that pet name. probably cause he knows i'm kidding. i pick him up bridal style to his delight, getting ready to retreat back to my bedroom. his eyelids are already drooping, like a tired little kid's. i can't wait to fall asleep cuddling him. it'll make me sleep way better than ever before.

as i keep observing his delicate features i can't help but wonder whether this is a dream or not. cause it sure feels like it is. i feel just like i'm lost in a breathtaking dream. an incredibly intricate one at that, but a dream nonetheless. and i never want to wake up.

xxx

let me guide you
to a place where
no one hurts you
you are safe here with me