goth angel sinner - dreamnap (sequel to cowys)

west coast - lana del rey

te deseo cariño
boy it's you i desire
your love, your love
my love

xxx

i stop the car by a deserted parking space, most likely belonging to the national park around here. we haven't travelled as far as i would've liked - though not surprising considering nick's chaotic energy and unnecessary need for constant breaks - but at least we're almost at the state border. only another hour or so of driving tomorrow and we'll be in vegas.

i still don't think i've fully grasped the situation yet. we'll be in vegas! no more waking up at the same place in my room, no more going back and forth to school. we're free.

it's a little chilly up in the mountains so i converted the roof long ago. more calm this way too, without the wind blasting my eardrums. now that we're parked however, it's eerily silent. we've barely seen another car for miles.

nick turns to me, staring with dreamy eyes. he looks so utterly lost in his infatuation. i can't say that i'm doing much better.

"come lie with me cutie," he proposes, crawling into the backseat.

i just smile, following him without a word. there's not nearly enough room for my long legs, but it'll have to do. they stay hanging off the edge of the leather. i have to lay on top of him for us to fit, though he doesn't seem to mind.

he gladly opens his arms, holding me tight as my body touches his. i rest my head on his chest, sighing happily as i get to listen to his soothing heartbeat.

a soft hand pets my hair, meticulously undoing the little knots. my eyes fall shut as i enjoy the feeling. this is what i've dreamt about for weeks now. me and him, alone with only our own rules to follow. i could die right here with no regrets.

"clay?"
"hm?"
"i love you."
"i love you too nick."

i push myself up a little, so that i can kiss him gently on the lips. but like every other time we've kissed, it doesn't end there. he forces my head down more, opening his mouth for my tongue to slip in. oh, how i've missed this. i've missed his quiet noises of desperation and his trembling body under me.

when he runs his fingers down to my belt, we both know exactly what we want. but for the first time ever, i hesitate.

"are you sure about this?" i ask, concerned.
"what do you mean? of course i'm sure."
"i don't want to risk hurting you."

he stops what he's doing.

"i'm not made of glass, honey."
"yeah but, i just don't wanna scare you, after everything you've been through," i admit, caressing his cheek.
"you could never scare me. i trust you."

i give him a small smile, which he immediately returns. his hands tug at my closed belt again.

"now, can you p-please.."
"just promise to tell me if you want me to stop, and i'll stop right away. tell me if it hurts or if i should go slower, alright?"
"alright."

at that, i lovingly kiss his cheek. he takes off my shirt, and i take off his.

the multicolored bruises scattered all over his torso don't faze me at all. because i know they will soon fade, and never come back again.

stars glimmer outside, clearer than ever without street lights around. they remind me of our first time together, when we had sex in my car, exactly like this. i think i loved him already back then, i was just too afraid to admit it. but now he knows, and i know. and nothing could be better.

-

have you ever met a boy, who's so pretty he doesn't feel real? whose eyes are so deeply beautiful, that you could drown in them if you looked for too long? whose smile is bright enough to burn an entire rainforest to the ground? whose body is so gorgeous that it takes your breath away?

have you ever met a boy who, despite all the trauma he's been through, couldn't hurt a fly? a boy who's so kind to the world that he deserves more than it could possibly give? a boy who's so broken, yet so alive?

have you ever met a boy whose lips can bless you, and whose touch makes you melt? who will love you for who you are, will love your every flaw, and your every oddity? who will stay with you throughout the darkest of times, and no matter what happens, still love you?

have you ever met a boy that's sweet like cotton candy when you taste him on your tongue? a boy who never fails to make you laugh, or brighten up your day? a boy whose soul is intertwined with yours?

have you ever met a boy whose angel wings are invisible, yet you still know they're there?

have you ever met a boy who's so perfect, that there's simply nothing that could repay god for his creation?

cause i have. and he's mine.

xxx

i can see my baby swinging
his parliament's on fire and his hands are up
on the balcony and i'm singing
ooh baby, ooh baby, i'm in love

the end <3