Pain Without Love (Complete)

22- Indecision

Mila sat at her white, kitchen island and sipped at her glass of very expensive merlot, a storm raging in her mind, Shawn was due to arrive within the hour and she had a lot of thinking to do before he got there.

He had taken her by surprise this afternoon that much was certain, he hadn't taken her bullshit the way she had thought he would, the way society had trained him to, spending time with Mila had opened his mind to a different, more free way of being and now she just had to work out if she wanted to reward him for being brave enough to see the world through different glasses or whether she wanted to punish him for standing up to her when had expected him to back down

In general no body stood up to Mila Cabello, her reputation as a hard ass went before her and anyone that dared to doubt that she was as tough as they heard she was soon found out the hard way... that was until Shawn.

Yes, of course she could have still had him removed from the project, the decision was hers to make, in fact she was damn sure she should have pushed for it just to teach him a lesson but she hadn't and she wasn't sure who she had shocked more with the decision, his team or herself.

Taking another sip of wine she looked down at her black, silk robe and tried to work out her next move.

She could lock the door and ignore his presence as she had for the previous 2 weeks but where was the fun in that? Her body burned with frustion, begged for release but for once in a long time she wasn't sure how she wanted to receive it.

Punishing Shawn and having him bow down to her every wim seemed the logical option. To tie him up and hurt him with the most blissful pain possible so he knew who was really in control of their situation sounded so appealing but then she remembered the way he looked at her when he was in control, the storm that whirled through his honey colored eyes, the way his thick, pink lips opened slightly as he loomed above her, the way his much larger frame dwarfed hers making her feel desired in a way an addict desires their next hit, like they would do anything to receive it.

Shawn in control looked at her like she was everything, even when she'd provoked him to the edge of his sanity and he'd lost control, unable to stop himself ripping her from the bed and taking her against a door his eyes burned with something hot, something needy like he needed her, didn't just want or desire her, he needed her and to someone like Mila who had never had anyone need her in her entire life, not even her own mother, it was proving to be a bit of a mind fuck.

Usually in these situations she knew exactly what she wanted and how to get it, now here she sat, unable to get her head straight, so how the hell was she ever going to get her needs met when she couldn't even decide what her needs were?

She wanted to have sex with him, but did she want to give it to him or take it from him? she couldn't decide and she hated indecision, hated uncertainty.

That afternoon she had hoped to shock him into submission by demanding he be fired but he had met her head on, the hope of shocking him in to to some other kind of action began to pull at a corner in her mind...

Moving from her kitchen to room 2 she dug around in her lingerie drawer for something she was yet to wear for a man...

Leather straps, leopard print buckles, golden chains...

Camila let her mind drift back to the gentleman that had fled her apartment after taking her roughly for the first time, the instant he had lifted her in to his arms she had known he was something different, this thing was something different but she hadn't given herself the time to work out what that was, instead filling her time with work, her life with chaos and her nights with Shawn or Brent.

Brent gave her something safe, something that healed her when she was broken, he was her constant even though he didn't belong to her anymore but Shawn was new, he brought out pieces of her she had thought long lost or that had never been owned by her at all.

She thought about him when he was absent in a way she'd never thought of anyone before, longed for him in a way she hadn't thought she was capable of.

He was dangerous...and she wanted his danger and wanted to show him hers.

Picking up the bra and thong set she wondered if he could take what she was about to offer him or whether as before he would turn and run.

She wanted him to stay so much that all of her being screamed for her to push too far, to push and provoke him until he ran as far away from her as was humanly possible, before she went and involved a part of her she couldn't afford to involve in any part of her life... Her heart.

*just a quick filler chapter to get me back in the way of writing this story, hopefully the next chapter will be up tonight x