Pain Without Love (Complete)

33- The Chaos Will Still Remain

Mila stared at the battered and bruised man before her and couldnt stop the tears that began to fall. Shawn's face paled and she could tell he wanted to reach for her but everything that had happened had a put a didtance between them. She could see mistrust and hurt bubbling just below the golden darkness of his eyes.

"I didn't do it" was all she could manage before her voice gave way to emotion

"I heard the voicemail"

"I can't explain it" she ran a hand over her eyes and attempted to gain some control over herself

"If this is about you and Brent"

"It's not, Shawn I swear to God there is nothing going on with me and Brent"

"Does he know that?"

"I'm so confused" she carefully sat down at one end of his sofa, making sure to give him space "I don't know what's going on. I... When we went ft out that night I was so excited and so scared and it was so perfect, Shawn it was the best night of my life, I know I didn't say it then but it was and then the next thing I know I'm waking up and Brent told me you didn't want to see me again and I didn't know what I had done wrong, other than just be me and I'm always what's wrong... " out of nowhere Shawn's hand was around hers, his eyes holding her gaze, his heart breaking at the look of dispair etched across her features

" Mila... Camila, calm down honey please"

Mila looked in to his eyes, so deep with concern, his lips pouted and his hand warm on hers and all of a sudden she couldn't stop her self, she lunged forward fixing her lips to his. The contact was electric, her reaction visceral. Her hands went to his curls as she felt him give in immediately and then tense onder her grasp. Pulling himself away from her he rested his head in his hands and took control of his breath

"It can't be this Mila, it can't always be this"

"I'm sorry" her hands went to her lap and her gaze dropped to the floor

"What has gone on these last few days... My mind is shredded, everything you just said, it's all in here" he tapped his temple with his long fingers "Just swirling around and I can't make sense of any of it and I could do what my body wants and give in to whatever madness this is between us but when it's over the chaos will still remain"

"I don't know how to fix this"

"It's Brent, isn't it. One way or another what's happened to me, what happened to you... God Mila, what happened to you???"

"He wouldn't hurt me" Her eyes were still trained to the ground and in that split second he saw the uncertainty, he saw the doubt, she didnt remember, she didn't know, she wasn't lying.

"Camila, I'm about to lose everything"

"I won't let that happen" she shook her head vehemently "I can talk to Brent, I can talk to your work I can fix this" she wasn't sure if that was true but she knew she would give it everything she had and if that meant losing Brent... Her blood ran cold at the thought of living life truly on her own, no matter how alone she had been she had always had Brent, he had replaced her father when he died, made up for her mother when she hurt her, he had been the one constant thing in her life but she knew it... She could feel it, she didn't know what had happened what he had done but she knew she could never trust him again.

"And what about you?"

She shook her head, unsure what any of this meant for her but sure of one thing, Shawn wouldn't pay for the messed up version of life she was living

"Shawn, I will deal with Brent and every thing that comes with that" she intertwined her fingers with his and tilted her head to the side to really look at him and to give him a true look at her, her soul, how sorry she was "I'm sorry I picked you up that night, entangled you in all this"

"I'm not" his words were as quick as gunfire "I needed this, needed to meet someone like you"

"But it's costing you everything"

"You are giving me everything" he squeezed her fingers as he prepared his admission, unsure of the difference if any that it would make, if any

"After this all happens I uh...i felt pretty shitty, pretty used and I, I had sex with Kam"
His heart and breath stopped in his chest as he waited for her response but she just looked at him and he couldn't read the expression

"Did it make you feel better?" she asked, no judgment on her voice

"No" he barely whispered

"Then you didn't do it right, and do you know why? Because you don't trust her with that part of you, that selfish, free, pleasurable peice. Did it feel good?"

"It felt all sorts of wrong"

"Did it feel like it does with me?"

"Nothing feels like it does with you"

"Shawn, I think I can deal with Brent, I think I can deal with your work and all of that stuff but it's going to cost me and I don't care about that but..." she reached up and took his face in her hands "I need to say goodbye properly, because I don't know how this ends" her lips joined softly with his and this time he didn't pull away

"Camila, it doesn't have to be the end"

"It does. You have seen what Brent's capable of, I'm just beginning to see it. I need to do this for you" pushing her forehead to his she heaved in a breath "let me do that"

"I don't want to lose you"

"There's no other way, not until. I know your life and your career are safe, I just... I have one thing I want to ask of you"

"Anything" And goddamn he meant it

"Make love to me. Not like Mila, not like we are in room 2 or like you have anything to prove, make love to me like you want me and you mean it" pulling their intertwined fingers to his heart he dropped his forehead to hers

"God, Camila I want you so much and if I make love to you now believe I mean it. I mean ever single part of it"

"I have never made love before, she admitted shyly. I don't know that I know what to do"

"Just be with me, no pressure, no expectation, just my body inside yours, our worlds intertwined if only for one night

"I'm so sorry"

"Well I'm not" and on the end of that breath Shawn's mouth was on hers, his hands were on her hips and her thighs but nothing was rushed, everything just flowed as it should. Flesh on to fabric, denim exposing lace and then when it came to it, flesh against flesh,

*next chapter is Brent VS Mila, who will win???