As Evil As Murder

01 | A Runaway from Time

My story began with me contemplating whether I was going to hell or not.

All of us know about the metaphorical angel and demon on our shoulders, one tempting us to jump into the dark pit we call sin, while the other is constantly trying to keep us from actually doing it.

Here is my theory; the angel and demon are both parts of a myth. We are not influenced by them, but rather by the voices in our heads. There aren't just two but hundreds, each screaming about what they want us to do. If you concentrate hard enough, you realize that these voices, though however different they may sound, often come from the same creature which is peeking through the darkest curtains of our mind, waiting to trap us with its claws.

In conclusion, there are no angels or demons, but humans. Good and evil aren't results, because they're just as real as Santa Claus. But it's known that saints go to heaven and sinners go to hell. There is nothing in between these two places so the only choices of humans are to be either good or bad.

The fact remains that we are all evil on a hidden level. Some of us kill, some of us lie, and some of us cheat. Killing makes you as much of a sinner as lying does. Heathens can't escape their labels, no matter how small their actions were. This means that either our species are broken, or we are all going to hell.

In other words, humanity is nothing but a faulty car in the middle of the road, unable to move either way.

I chuckled softly, amused at how weird I must be to think of philosophy, even while inside a dream.

I gripped the leather saddles of the wooden horses, bracing myself as the carousel started going faster and faster. I felt like I was a part of the machine rather than the one riding it. For starters, I was just as lifeless and lost as the horses. Like them, I was controlled and circling in the same place with no definite destination.

I knew it was a dream for various reasons. The carousel, tented shops, other rides, and everything within my line of sight was empty. I didn't know when or how I got there, but I remembered the place from my childhood days. I haven't been there for over seventeen years, so it wasn't difficult to figure out that this was all in my head.

A sudden siren went off from somewhere. My head turned left and right, unable to find the source of the static screech which started drilling into my skull. The carousel picked up its speed, making it impossible for me to look at one place for more than two seconds. I was sure of three things. My beating heart, the disturbing sound, and the destructive speed at which I was moving.

"Help!" I yelled out hopelessly, knowing there won't be an answer. Who could see you trapped in your own head?

I looked to my left to see if there were any attendees to get me off the ride. The place was just as empty as before and it struck me that maybe the carousel was not as controlled or lifeless as I thought.

"No - no help!" My voice was more feeble this time, my hands becoming numb at the pain of holding on to the leather straps. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate only on my breathing. At any second I could fall and wake up, but that second never came.

"It's not how this ends," a voice said in my head and I snapped my eyes open. There was no one as far as I could see but the screeching grew louder.

"Wait a second," I whispered to myself, noticing how the rush of adrenaline in this danger felt familiar. It was like something I went through before, and I realized I had this dream before.