Chapter 33 - I'm so Sorry

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I dreaded the entire time coming over to Katsuki's house, but I have to face them. I can't reassure them that we plan on getting him back but the least I can do is apologize for not protecting him like I promised I would. I stand in front of the door trying to calm my nerves down, if they yell at me and force me outside I deserve it. Even if they want to hit me I'll allow it because no pain I go through with them can ever compare to the pain they must be feeling with Katsuki being taken.

"I have to do this, I have to take responsibility for what happened. For not rescuing him. And helping him in his time of need." I tell myself as I stand in front of the Bakugou home.

I take a deep breath and knock on the door, I don't even know if they heard it my nerves are everywhere and are affecting my strength. I wait for a couple seconds before going to knock again only to come face to face with Mitsuki. I can tell she had been crying as a bit of her face was red. "H-hi. I-I." I try talking but all she does was hug me.

She let's go of me, "Come on in, I bet your hungry." I nod not trusting my voice and enter the house. I walk in and take off my shoes by the door and put on slippers before walking in fully into the house. There are so many pictures of Katsuki and you can see moments of where he grew up and made Katsuki into the person he is. He isn't perfect, far from it, but I wouldn't want to change any part of him. Because he sticks to what he believes in and refuses to change just because someone said so. It was a nice change from everyone being so nice to me and helping me. I look at the most recent picture of him and his family holding onto a gold medal from the Sports Festival.

"He won't admit it but he was happy that he won even if he had to share that win with you." Masaru tells me looking at the picture as well.

"Better sharing the win with you than that Todoroki, he really would have had a fit." Mitsuki giggles bringing up our spirits.

I started tearing up again while trying to keep my sniffles down so I don't make them uncomfortable. I feels arms wrap around me again. "I'm sorry, I-I almost had him." I say lowly as my voice was barely there.

Masaru speaks, "We are both glad your safe at least." Mitsuki hums in agreement.

I couldn't hold back my tears as I tried wiping them away, "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect him. I should have done something different, anything different. If, if I would have known."

Mitsuki let's go from the hug and puts both her hands on my shoulders, "Did you do everything in your power to help him. To keep him safe."

"I did. I really tried saving him."

"Then that's what matters, you tried. Sometimes we can't save the ones we love all the time. In this society children don't realize the risks of being a hero until it's too late." Mitsuki wipes her own tears, "Yes it's going to be hard. Yes there will be times where you or Katsuki are going to be in danger again. But if you both have each other and prove that then you have no reason to be sorry. The only reason you should be apologizing is if you've given up. So tell me this, are you giving up?"

"No. No I'm not. I would never give up on Katsuki." I tell her meaning every word I say.

"Then act like it. Don't apologize for not protecting him. Believe that he's going to come back, I know my Katsuki and he's stubborn and self center but that's because he believes in himself. So don't feel sorry, believe in him. Believe in the heroes and believe in the police officers that are going to save him."

"I will. I do believe because they will save him."

"Good. Now come on at least have some dinner before you leave." I nod and follow them to the kitchen and dining room.

/////

I walked home with a full stomach, it didn't feel right staying there without Katsuki. I don't think I would have gotten any sleep if I slept in Katsuki's room. I probably won't be able to go back to the hospital because of the plan. I don't want to accidentally let it slip, it would be much better for me and for everyone if they didn't know. I don't want the chance of saving Katsuki slip by all because I accidentally let it slip that I was going to help save him.

I walk into my house as I hold the polished sapphire that reminded me of Katsuki's explosions. I want to give this to him in person. It feels weird not obsessing over Katsuki but I'm glad I can at least think properly and not go through the mate cycle anymore. That was rough and I did many things that I would have held back and imagined.

I lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling, "I will save you Katsuki, I promise."

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