A What Now? A Nightmare X Reader Story

Chapter 12: Jars

(For clarification, "Mom" is refering to Underswap Toriel, who we learned adopted you in an earlier chapter)

[Y/N POV]

I woke up in my room at dinnertime, and headed down to the dining room, where everyone else was already seated. I took my seat beside Nightmare, per usual, and tried not to make eye contact, which I of course failed at. Our eyes met for just a second, and I looked away, resisting the urge to cover my mouth.

Dinner was definetly tense, and I could tell the others were affected the tension as well. I didn't eat much, and excused myself quietly. I didn't want to bother the others more than I already had. I went back to my room and flopped onto my bed, rolled onto my side and curled up into a ball, arms wrapped around my torso.

I hated the tension. I didn't want things to be akward with Nightmare, he was my friend, my best friend really. Why did he do that anyway? Was it some kind of show of dominance? Did he lose his mind for a minute? Was he... trying to flirt with me or something?

I sighed, tightening my arms around myself. I missed Mom, she would know just what to say to make me feel better. She always had good advice, and if she have any, Papy would. Despite his lazy attitude, he knew a lot about how people worked; of anyone could help me figure this out it would be him.

I sat up, feeling my little black cloud settle around me, doubt, unceartainty, fear, all swirling around, surrounding me. I closed my eyes, and focused on putting it away. Crammed it into a little glass jar, screwed the cap on tight, and settled it in my chest, along with all the others. 

I had a large collection, pain, sadness, doubt, hatred, fear, loneliness, grief and so much more, all sealed away in their own jars, all stacked up in my chest. Some days, I hardly noticed them, they stayed still, and were light. Those were the good days. But I had bad days too. Days where they wobbled precariously, and every movement, every word, was careful, calculated, so as to stop them from crashing down.

Today had definitely gone bad.

I pulled my knees up to my chin, wrapping my arms around myself again. I couldn't stop more pain from coming though, that was the worst part of the bad days. There was always more to store away, and I always came close to bursting. I almost never got to take anything out.

Sometimes, a little woe, after it had been put away for a long time, would fade, and I could take it out and let it go, but only very rarely. It was never enough though. There was always something to take its place. My collection was always growing. A few times I would be able to confess, confide in Mom, or Papy, but that was even rarer, and it usually made me feel guilty.

I hated feeling like a burden.

I tried to pull these thoughts into their own jar, but they pulled back, and I couldn't stop a few tears from escaping. Eventually, I was able to force them into their jar.

Just as I did, there was a knock on my door.

I got up, keeping one arm around my torso, steadying my stacks. I wiped my face before opening the door. It was Nightmare. He seemed nevous, and when he noticed my puffy eyes, he looked concerned.

"Hey, (Y/N)." He shifted his footing, glancing at the floor and then back up at me. "I, uh... just wanted to apologise for my behavior earlier. I shouldn't have lost my temper with you like that. I'm sorry." I nodded slightly, and he peered at me.

"And, um. I'm sorry for, y'know, the rest of it. I honestly don't know what got into me..."

He trailed off, waiting for a response. I didn't know what to say. I was glad he apologised for losing his temper, and... a part of me was glad he apologised for the bite thing too, but another part of me... was a little hurt? I don't know why...