𝔽𝕀𝕃𝕆𝔽𝕆𝔹𝕀𝕊𝕂

𝔾𝕣𝕠𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕘

"I'm philophobic."

Silence. That was the only word that could describe the aura around us. But in that silence, I could hear my heart pounding inside, threatening to burst anytime. I felt dizziness overtaking my whole body and tears welling up, again. 

"What?" Zinnia asked, her voice scaring me. 

"Wh-what? Philo- what?" Lily asked who was obviously confused with the new word. 

"Do you know what that means?" Zinnia asked.

I nodded my head. 

"I don't know what that means," Lily said, seeking for the meaning again.

"Elka, this isn't some fucking joke."

"What the fudge does that word mean?" Lily yelled. 

Zinnia's attention diverted from me to Lily.

"It's a phobia, Lily. It's the fear of love," she said.

Lily was incredulously staring at me, making her as surprised as Zinnia was. I could feel stares from sides that were burning holes on both sides of my face. I just kept my gaze down, a blended feeling of fear and embarrassment hitting me with every passing second. 

"Wh- what makes you think you are that, Elka?" Lily asked, killing the silence that I began to hate.

"You know what makes one philophobic, right? I remember telling you. Some incidents make one philophobic. Some really bad ones," Zinnia said.

"What if bad things have happened to me?" I asked, making the two of them gasp in utter shock.

"What?" Zinnia asked.

"What if I have gone through some shits that I'm still trying to forget?" 

"What is it that you have gone through, Elka? What happened to you that made someone like you a phi- phili-"

"Philophobic," Zinnia completed Lily, who was still struggling to pronounce that word. 

Pronouncing that word was nothing. The meaning it held and carrying it with you was what makes one tired as fuck. 

"I-I have been hiding a lot of things from you guys. Even if you both have told me about your pasts, I couldn't get the courage to tell mine, even if I tried. I wanted to tell you about me but I am still stuck with my past that I don't even want to recall," I said, wiping away the tears that began to roll down. 

They nodded their heads. 

"It's fine. You can tell when you're ready. We are right here, Elka," Lily said.

"I think I'm ready, Lily. I want you two to know about me, my past, everything."

Zinnia and Lily exchanged glances before Zinnia took the mug from my hands and placed it on the teapoy. 

"Ok. We're all ears."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I knew this day would be coming but didn't expect to be this soon. I told everyone to not bottle up their feelings and emotions and look at me, what was I doing all this time, all these years? I knew that if I was going to keep everything locked up inside, I would find it endeavouring to pass a day in my life. 

»»---------------------►

An hour passed with me telling my hidden story to two girls who let out gasps throughout and were shocked to death. Both Zinnia and Lily didn't expect me to have a flashback like this, well no one did. They couldn't believe what they were hearing.