Arduous Affection [COMPLETED]

Chapter I

"Mom! I miss you, kailan ka pow uuwi?" his tiny little fingers caressed the screen as if he can touch me. "I'm so bored being here with MommyLa and DaddyLo. I want to hug you Mom!" my heart broke everytime he's pleading me to go home.

"Lucas, baby, I miss you too pero hindi pa pwede umuwi si mommy, e." lumungkot ang mukha niya.

Tanging sa video call lang kami nagkikita ng anak ko. Mahirap para sa'kin ang malayo sa kaniya pero kailangan kong magsumikap para na rin sa kinabuksan niya. I don't want to depend on my parent's wealth because of what I did. Malaki ang naging kasalanan ko sa kanila despite of tinanggap parin nila ang sitwasyon ko.  

It's been five years already and the scars he gave me during that day still leaves a mark.

Simula nang araw na 'yon kinasusuklaman ko siya. I could still remember how I managed to love him wholeheartedly in return of his other motives. Until now, sumisikip ang dibdib ko't umuusbong ang galit 'pag naaalala ko ang masasakit na salitang sinabi niya nang araw na 'yon.

My pregnancy went too hard. Umabot sa puntong muntik akong makunan because of the depression, and it became the reason why I was awake of the thought na may dapat pa akong pagtuonan ng pansin, na may nangangailangan ng lubos sa 'kin. Someone's depending his life through me. 

Mama was always there for me as well as si Cameron na siyang kaagapay ko hanggang sa nakapanganak ako. After seeing my son, doon ko lang naramdaman ang takot, takot kasi alam kong malaking responsibilidad ang gagampanan ko sa buhay niya. Natatakot ako sa kung paano ko siya papalakihin. Natatakot akong masaktan siya.

Kahit ano mang pagsisisi ang gawin ko pero narito na, eh. Nasa bisig ko na ang anak ko. In spite of everything he has done to me, binigyan niya naman ako nang isang napakagandang regalo and it was my very loving son, Asthreus Lucas Vergara. Hindi alam ng mga magulang ko ang tungkol sa ama ng anak ko, and I was glad they never pushed me to tell the truth. I know I'm being unfair to Lucas, he deserves to know who his father is, but, I don't want to create a connection with him any further. As much as possible, 'wag na sanang mag cross ang landas naming tatlo.

Kung maaari, ayokong makilala ni Lucas ang lalaking pinagmulan niya. Ayokong makitang masaktan ang anak ko.

Every single times I saw my son's face, it reminds me of him. As he is a total carbon copy of his dad. From his thin lips, well defined nose, and the very captivating sterling gray eyes. Sighed. I remember how he refused to be the father of his own blood.

"Mommy, still there?" hindi ko namalayang kanina pa pala nagsasalita ang anak ko. Ngumiti ako sa kaniya at buong pagmamahal siyang tinitigan.

'Mula nang araw noong una ko siyang makarga sa mga bisig ko. I swear to God, I'll protect this angel sa abot ng makakaya ko. If it means hiding you away from your father, I'll gladly do that, 'wag ka lang masaktan anak ko.

Pinahid ko ang namuong luha sa mata ko.

"Sorry baby, pagod lang si mommy... May I talk to your MommyLa for awhile?" bibo itong tumango at patakbong lumapit sa lola niyang kanina pa tanaw nang tanaw sa amin.

"Aia," she smile.

"Ma, salamat sa pag-aalaga sa anak ko. But you don't need to do this, kaya ko naman po siyang bantayan if he's with me" sabi ko. Umiling lang siya't kinarga si Lucas nang pilit nitong inaabot tanaw ako.

"No. I'll not let you, Aia. Lucas is better if he's with us. Ayaw ko namang maover fatigue ka, 'tong batang 'to, mana ka talaga sa Daddy mong matigas ang ulo..." she sighed. "Haven't I told you a lot of times to not work anymore, instead rule our company and be here with your son."