the honorary marauder | james potter

ten

~*~*~

"you've been busy, haven't you?"

~*~*~

when james kissed lily for the first time, it felt like a near death experience. in a good way, if that's even possible. his heart beat extremely fast, like it did before quidditch games or that time he thought alana had been asked out on a date by a ravenclaw boy the previous year but he was just asking about the homework.

it was a nervous heartbeat but then it turned into excitement and joy. much like how he feels when he wins a game of quidditch or when he realised alana wasn't being asked out and she was still his best friend.

when he recited the story of he and lily kissing to his friends, three out of four were hanging onto his every word and were congratulating him. alana put her lips into a tight-lined smile and forced out a i'm happy for you which she wished she meant but she didn't.

it made alana feel extremely guilty that she wasn't jumping off the walls like the rest of them. she was an awful friend for feeling jealous that it wasn't her. she wanted to kiss james...since when? she didn't know. shouldn't this stupid and inappropriate crush be over by now?

for alana, it had run its course and she was ready to be done with it.

james seemed to be on top of the world while alana was way down and felt like there was no way back up. of course, she told james how happy she was and how lucky lily was, that last bit was true. james would never hurt her or betray her trust, she really got herself a good one with a heart of gold and alana really hoped lily would treat him as such.

as much as alana did like lily, she was glad she hadn't started sitting with them at lunch or in the common room. maybe it was selfish but she preferred to just have her friends be the same way they've always been. sure, they've been friends since first year and alana only came into the equation in fifth year but she knew the boys were a tight-knit group and she'd hate anything that would change that.

not lily, just the change itself.

alana hoped this didn't make her a bad friend, not wanting lily around, she meant. she hoped if james knew this, he wouldn't hate her for it. she couldn't help how she felt, about the change or about james himself, she wish she could. she wished she could turn off the feelings she'd developed for her best friend but she couldn't. she understood this now and she hated it, but she understood it.

"lana, what're you doing down here?" croaked james in a raspy, tired voice as he approached alana who was wrapped up in a blanket, resting her chin on her knees as she stared into the fire.

"can't sleep," responded alana, looking at him as he ran a hand through his hair which lifted his top up a little to reveal a bit of his skin that made alana blush just at the thought of it.

"the fire is relaxing," said james as he sat next to her, "don't you think?"

"yeah," nodded alana, staring into the blazing fire that reminded her of the fierce look lily gave him that day on the train.

"how are you?" asked james with a soft look on his face.

"okay," whispered alana with a shrug, refusing to look at him, "how are you?"

"good," nodded james, "i feel like we haven't spoke properly for a while."

"you've been busy, haven't you?" said alana, she wasn't sure how james would take her rhetorical question. it was a little bit of a jab that he'd been with lily most of the time and not just about head duties although head might not be so far fetched in this kind of scenario.

alana felt ill at the thought of it.

"which means i haven't been able to talk quidditch with anyone," said james with a grin, alana looked at him, resting her cheek on her knees so she could stay looking at him.

"lily doesn't like quidditch?" asked alana, she knew the answer but this is the first time they'd spoke one on one in a week or so and she wanted to talk to him as much as she could. even if it was about lily.

"nah, not really," said james with a chuckle, he seemed to be staring at her just as intently as she was him.

as james looked in her deep brown eyes, he felt a warm feeling spread through him. much like how his face felt when he looked into the fire for a long period of time. her hair was all draped at the other side of her head so she could see james in full view.

james thought she looked so beautiful.

the fire seemed to light her up differently this night. james hadn't ever really thought about how alana was beautiful, he just knew that she was, that was a given. however, looking at her in the simplistic silence, he was enthralled by her natural and undeniable beauty.

the girl naturally glowed. make up or not. sunny weather or not. daytime or not. she glowed like an angel, james thought. he'd never really thought about it that much until this moment and then he remembered all the other times he looked at her and didn't think about how beautiful she was and that made him annoyed because he didn't appreciate her in the moment.

but he was now and she is beautiful.

now that james thought about it, he really loved her smile and when she tipped her head back in laughter at a joke one of the marauders had made. james especially loved it when she laughed a joke he said.

he loved when they talked quiddtich and he loved that she understood everything he said about it. lily didn't but it didn't bother him that she didn't get it, it just took him longer to tell the story because he had to explain the moves and types of throws he was talking about it.

he loved when she'd show him the old dances she had to do when she went to a muggle dance school. he had two left feet but alana was really good.

he loved when she'd read to him and tell him things about stuff she found interesting even if he didn't. that didn't matter because he'd listen anyway.

he loved that he was looking into her eyes in this moment for as long as he was and she didn't think he was weird for it. she challenged his gaze and stared back, both seeing who'd falter first.

he loved that her smile could light him up like nothing else and he'd only just realised it.

he loved that she was his best friend.

he loved her.

she loved him.

it was a shame that neither knew of the other's feelings.