crush | janiel

chapter thirteen

i dropped jack slowly on the lounge couch as the other boys flooded in through the doors of the bus, tripping over shoes and laughing their asses off. half of them, or actually most of them were drunk, giggling and snickering as I closed the doors of the lounge door so the noise wouldn't break through the doors. zach was laughing at something corbyn had said, and corbyn was changing his clothes as i ruffled up my hair to sit up again.
"where's the little one?" eben called as i looked up at him, his eyes half closed and his arm around jonah.
"um in the lounge area," i pointed to the screen, but as soon as a turned back around, a tired zach was snuggling in my shoulder.
"what's wrong?" i asked.
"i'm really t-tired," zach slurred out.
"you're drunk zach."
he laughed as he took off his shirt and tossed it in his bunk.
"yeah i know," he snickered.
as they all kept shouting random words and kept screaming at each other, i couldn't pull out if it was serious or if they were being sarcastic. but at the same time I didn't really care. their voices echoed around my brain as the only thought that i was focused on was jack. he looked so tired, from the bags under his eyes, to his low unenergetic personality. i hated seeing him like this, I never wanted him to ever feel this type of way, annoying that i couldn't really do anything to help hurt me even more. i don't know why i kissed him. maybe i shouldn't have done that in the first place.
"goodnight loser," jonah called, which made me smile a little as i rolled my eyes, watching every bunk slowly close their light and fall asleep. zach's slight snores roamed in the hallways as i pulled out my phone to order food to the bus.
"jack?" i whispered, creaking the door open manually.
there was no answer as i turned on the lamp on one of the desks nearby, which made the blonde boy startled for a second. i sat next to him as his brown eyes fluttered wide open, and his expression soon turned into a frown.
"what's wrong?" i questioned, handing him an advil and a glass of water.
he didn't reply, but he took the glass from me and the advil slowly, and closed his eyes for a few minutes after swallowing the pill.
in this moment, i realized that he didn't want to talk, which isn't something i really minded. so instead, my hand moved to the back of jack's back, rubbing it to comfort him. his hair was all over his face, as he tried to move it, but it stayed only in one place which looked like it frustrated him, but it was hard to hold back the giggle i was holding.
"i'm tired," he finally said, which resulted him in drinking the last of the water in the glass and getting up to put it on the desk. he unplugged the laptop next to the lamp, and looked back at me with his tiring eyes. his freckles were showing more than usual, because it was winter time around the time where we looked paler than usual. but it made my heart hurt a little that that wasn't the only reason.
"do you want the lamp on?"
"whatever you want jack," i answered, as he flickered off the light.
there was a pause for a second as jack and i sat in the darkness, until he opened his laptop which lit up his face. he didn't even bother to sit down as he typed with one finger and struggled to type his password. it was so unnecessarily long full of random numbers and words that zach and him had set it to when they were drunk and he managed to remember even afterward. i opened my mouth to say something when jack walked towards me, carefully placing the laptop next to my leg. i was confused at first as to what he was doing, but soon after he grabbed a blanket and rolled it out, trying to find the vertical side to it which made me laugh because the lights were off and the lamp was just next to him.
"fucking-finally," he replied to himself annoyed, and put it behind his back, wrapping himself in the blanket.
"can you move the computer?" he mumbled, as i nodded, which was sort of stupid because he couldn't see that i was nodding.
"what're you doing?" i asked as he grabbed the computer from my hands and set it in the middle between us.
"we're watching a movie," he said quietly, as he typed a few more things into the search bar.
we.
i took off the jacket that was on my shoulders and set it aside on the couch, as jack again once struggled to remember the netlfix password.
"can i not?" he said to himself, which caused me to giggle as he looked up at me and smiled.
i loved everything about his smile. he had this thing with his eyes where they would crinkle when he would smile. jack hated his smile. and that made me pretty sad because i loved it so much.
"i'm pretty sure i made the password jake and not jack," i said, taking the computer from his lap and typing it in.
when it accepted the password, i looked back at jack who was staring at me with a blank face.
"what?" i laughed, as he rolled his eyes.
"that's not funny daniel."
"yes it is!" i protested as he clicked on the next episode of the show we were watching.
"we're supposed to watch it with eben and jonah," i started.
"they've already seen game of thrones 3 times, they'll live."
he let out a small cough and shifted around the couch for a couple of seconds, as i watched him struggle again.
"you can lay on my chest if you want," i said, which made him look at me again for awhile, and i immediately regretted asking.
things were already so awkward between us, and all of that was mostly my fault. now putting him in this position just made everything worse. i wasn't even paying attention to jack when he moved my hand away where it was resting on my chest, and snuggled his small little head close to me. his legs wrapped around mine as i watched him, his arm crossing over me, which extended out to mine.
"my hands are cold."
i looked back at him, which resulted in our faces being so close to each other. jack didn't say anything as i looked away, grabbing his hand and clutching it in mine, feeling how cold they truly were.
"you need to start doing sweater paws, your hands are freezing."
"what are sweater paws?" he asked which made me gape at him for a moment before something on the screen made jack jump out of surprise.
his head nuzzled closer so that my chin was resting above his temple. every few seconds, jack would push his glasses up which made him groan because they always slipped and he already hated the fact he had to wear them in the first place. and as he held my hand, at moments he would rub hi thumb across mine, which made me blush eagerly, and never had i been more thankful for the lights to be off. as jack watched intensively, i thought of what to say.
"...jack?" i spoke which caused him to lift his chin up slightly as a signal for "what?"
i bit my lip, trying to construct the many words jumbled in my brain into a sentence.
"what is it?" he said.
i messed his hair a little with my other hand as i thought a little more.
"i'm sorry."
jack turned his head to lock eyes with me once again, which then later his gaze fell lower.
"about what?"
"a-about what i did," i stuttered a little, and caused me to look away from him.
i didn't know what i was expecting him to say back. or if he even decided to say anything back. i don't even know why i picked a time to say this when we were alright.
"i liked it, i'm sorry i just panicked a little," jack responded quietly.
i shot my head back in confusion, and jack stared at me as the tv played.
"you what?" i whispered, hearing zach's snore once again.
jack broke into a smile as he turned around to look back at the tv, and my fingers tangled back into his short messy blonde hair.
"i liked it." he said again, but i could hear the smile in his voice as he repeated it again.
"so you didn't mind it?" i asked again, as jack looked over at his side to me again.
"nope," he responded cutely, and looked back as my chin rested above his head.
i kissed it gently and giggled as jack rubbed his thumb again on mine, which melted a little piece of my heart again.
he liked it i repeated in my head.
he liked it.