crush | janiel

chapter fourteen

i threw on my thick winter jacket which zipped up to the point it covered my nose. i kind of liked it that way. i was always so pale during the winter time, and on top of all that, my face would always be so cold and red which was embarrassing. i threw on my beanie onto my outgrown blonde hair, which i later paused and fixed up a little.
"i'm making eben touch up my hair, you want to come with?" daniel said appearing behind me, as i turned around nervously, first staring into his blue beautiful eyes then later looking up to his hair. his original natural earthy coloured hair was poking through his head, as he broke off the eye contact between us to look at himself in the mirror. it always made me so jealous of how daniel could just wake up in the mornings and look this good. note that he wasn't even dressed for the day yet. there was a black hoodie thrown over his head and a pair of grey sweat shorts paired along with that. i blushed at the thought of last night, where i was playing with the strings of daniel's hoodie.
"i-isn't trusting eben a little r-risky?" i stuttered out.
daniel looked back at me and then at the hair poking out of my beanie.
"well i mean at the end of the day, can you really trust any of us?" he smirked, which i loved when he did, because you could see his faint dimples which i loved.
before i could say anything else, eben brushed by my shoulder, removing the beanie from my head and messing my hair up.
"literally i'm so good at colouring hair, just ask corbyn," he presumed as corbyn ignored the whole situation and continued along with his breakfast with jonah, who was nodding at everything that came out of corbyn's mouth while making a cup of coffee.
"remember that one time where the colour was off though," i laughed as eben defended himself strongly.
part of me felt bad for not paying attention but i noticed daniel looking around worridly in the hallway, which made me confused because i didn't know what he was so worried for.
"you know i should actually have a degree in cosmetology," eben prompted at the end of his rant.
"no," daniel and i replied in unison, which then resulted in him grabbing the beanie from eben's hand and him walking away from us to his bunk.
i opened my mouth once again to speak because he'd just taken my hat, but a part of me loved the way he didn't care how much of his hair was actually out. most of it was in his eyes, but not one second did he brush it away. instead he rummaged through things in his bunk in frustration, as if he was trying to find something he'd lost.
"jack have you had breakfast yet?" zach called as i glanced over at him.
he was wearing my purple long sleeve shirt, paired with white pants with once again, my off white belt, and his hair was still in the process of being set into place as zach every 5 seconds ran his fingers through his hair.
"i'm not hungry," i murmured softly, as i looked back to daniel who looked worried and stressed out.
"where is it?" he breathed out, as he looked under the floors of the bus, and then reluctuntly looked back in his bunk.
"can i help you find whatever you're looking for?" i asked as his head was poked into his bunk.
"well i'd rather not have anyone find it, that'd be embarrassing.
i stopped at my sentence as my eyes widened, and later relaxed when daniel poked his head out of his bunk, holding a journal in one of his hands and exhaling deeply.
it was his journal you idiot.
"i got so worried that i'd lost it, but it was just in the corner of the bus," he added on.
"once my airpod fell during the night time and i had to wake up zach to get it," i laughed, which made daniel smile.
i don't know why he made me so nervous. i hadn't had always developed a sort of crush on him at the beginning. but no matter what i did, he would look at me in this specific way which resulted in me not knowing what to say ever.
"jack?" daniel's voice called gently as i looked back at him, then the journal in his hand.
my mind drifted off back to the day that daniel and i had both slept in the same bunk. the crumpled piece of paper. and a part of me now was regretting not reading it.
"do you want to read one?" he asked, waving his hand in my face to snap me out of my own thoughts.
"w-would you be ok with that?" i stuttered again stupidly, which made daniel shake his head with a smile.
"no not really, just don't judge them alright?" he said, flipping through various pages, deciding which one to show me.
it amazed me of how many poems he'd written, because more than half of his book was filled and filled with pages of drafts which were folded up and poked through the border of the book. some pages were ripped out, and some were folded to go back to and edit. as he flipped eagerly, i noticed the different inks daniel had used because one thing i knew about him was he never carried around a pen obviously, but every time we'd be in a public place, he'd take well steal one of the pens provided which i always thought was pretty cute. as he was skimming through, i noticed a whole poem written in red ink, full of corrections and random arrows as i rested my pointer finger on the page, which stopped daniel from flipping the pages.
"read this one," i said, which made daniel first look at it for a moment before he handed it to me.
"ignore the scribbles," he mumbled nervously, playing with one of his rings as i looked down at his pretty cursive handwriting in red ink.

7/2/20

you.
you're the one i want to be with.
during the day.
during the night.
i want to hold you when you wake up in the mornings.
and then hold you as you fall asleep.
make you laugh when you're feeling sad.
and sing you delicate songs which make you feel emotional.
i want you to be mine.
and i to be yours.
because i know i want you.
only you.
and i know you want me too.

there was a scribble on the line "because i know i want you." on the you part which was crossed out and replaced with you, as daniel nervously looked at me, as i looked up to him.
"it's beautiful daniel," i responded finally, handing him the book as a tint of pink blushed onto his cheeks.
my smile disappeared when i though about the poem. because it was pretty obvious on what it was about.
daniel liked someone.
and it sure as hell wasn't me.
"well, it's one of my only finished ones, that's why i was a little nervous for you to read it," he said, as i nodded at his response.
"what does the date mean?" i questioned, as he looked down at the paper and scoffed to himself.
"i didn't used to title my poems, so i just wrote the date it was written," he smiled nervously, putting the journal away in one of the pockets in his bunk.
"you know, maybe someday you should show us a piece of your poems, and we could construct a song on it," i shrugged which resulted in daniel to freeze and rest his hands on both my shoulders.
"wait, that's actually a really good idea jack," he responded, which made me blush not only because he thought my idea was nice but also the way he said my name.
"really?" i said with a puzzled expression as he rolled his eyes.
"yes really!" he exclaimed, shaking my shoulders aggressively like a little kid which made me giggle.
"why are you harming the poor child?" corbyn said through a mouthful of cereal.
"jack gave me this sick idea of making one of my poems into a song," he replied happily, which melted my heart for the 20th time.
corbyn nodded his head exessiviely as he commented, "that's such a cool concept! it could be the final track on the album because jon and i were talking about how we should do 10 tracks instead of 9, and we already have 9 written down!"
daniel's smile beamed as he looked back at me and then at corbyn.
"ok, well i'll figure out whichever one is my favourite poem and then i'll share it with you guys alright?"
"yeah, and hey daniel take your time with it too. i know how much these poems mean to you," corbyn added fondly, which made daniel roll his eyes cutely.
"thank you and i will, now come on there's people waiting for us!" he said excitedly once again, tapping corbyn's shoulders as corbyn ate the last of his cereal in his bowl and put it in the sink. before daniel walked out, i grabbed his hand, a little too forcefully because he swung back to me, bumping into my chest as he looked at me in confusion. it was embarrassing because i didn't know exactly why i did that. or why i thought it would be completely ok.
"...yeah?" daniel asked after a long pause.
"i trust you." i breathed out.
daniel frowned for a little longer as i shook my head because i realized how out of context it sounded.
"you said earlier of how can anyone trust any of us, and well..." i paused, feeling flustered due to daniel's gaze.
"and you trust me." he finished for me, as i looked up to him and nodded, feeling my cheeks burn of embarrassment.
he kneeled down to kiss my cheek softly, and as he parted away, he looked back into my eyes.
"i trust you too," he whispered as he smiled, and walked out of the hallway, following zach out the door as i continued to stand in shock.
he'd just kissed me.
not on the lips.
but he'd had just kissed me.
again.
and something about that just filled my stomach with butterflies and made me smile at myself like an idiot.