crush | janiel

chapter nineteen

the lights ignited onto the stage as thousands of screams blew into the venue, full of cries, but mostly screams. i adjusted my in-ears, anxious a little because knowing that this was the last show before the year took off and we'd enter a new one made me feel uneasy. it felt like everything was closing, sort of like a book. another sequel ending from every little step the band and i took together.
"zach we're on in 15 minutes, please put on a damn shirt," a tech crew assistant sighed, which made me laugh because usually we always delayed our entrance by a few minutes due to zach. but i guess it was just those parts which made up of our band.
"daniel you alright?"
i snapped out of my gaze as corbyn leaned on my shoulder. his hair was much darker, probably because since yesterday we landed in, he'd used the last of jack's dye to touch up his own hair.
"i'm ok, just feeling..." my sentence trailed off as more cheers went off on the other side of the curtain.
"feeling?" corbyn asked again as i shook my head.
"why am i feeling upset?"
corbyn frowned as he turned his body to balance both his arms on my shoulders. his eyes were more popping out, as it's blue colour was more vivid due to the white button up corbyn was wearing. he always said he hated wearing white because it made him look paler but personally i loved whenever his eyes popped out more due to him wearing lighter shades. it made him look like a prince.
"are you upset because it's our last performance of the year?"
small tears filled in the corner of my eyes as i looked down at the floor, embarrassed about crying about this situation in front of corbyn who's seen me literally butt naked.
"daniel," corbyn sighed with a smile as his arms went around my waist, pulling me into a tight hug.
i didn't want him to let go, but he did anyways to adjust his in ears and his floppy brunette hair.
"have you seen jack?" zach asked, coming up behind me while buttoning up the silk purple shirt he was wearing.
i turned around to look for the small short boy, even bending down which i know he'd kill me for if he ever figured out that i did that.
"he's probably stuck in the dressing rooms, i'll be right back," i exclaimed.
"ok, but remember to come back," corbyn called behind me with a giggle which caused me to roll my eyes.
i stumbled into the doorways of the dressing rooms, but didn't have any sight of him. a part of me was nervous for two reasons. one because i couldn't find my boyfriend, and two, because the curtain was going to drop in 5 minutes.
"jack?" i called around the place, but didn't see him anywhere. i exited the dressing rooms to the bathroom, only to find him there, looking at himself in the mirror.
"jack we're on in a few minutes so..." my voice trailed off as i saw the expression on his face.
he looked down for a second, as his hands gripped against the counter of the sinks. i walked over to his torso, gently holding him as i closed my eyes.
"breathe with me alright?"
jack nodded as i motioned my hands upward, then paused. then motioned my hands down to portray the pattern. the crowd outside yelled louder as i opened my eyes to jack leaning back on me. his hands had rested on top of him, clutching them as he followed the breathing sequence by himself for awhile longer until he opened his eyes.
"i'm sorry," he whispered softly, turning around to meet his forehead with mine.
i held his hands tightly as i disconnected our forehead and kissed his, balancing my chin on jack's small head.
"never be sorry for feeling."
he didn't respond. instead, he slid down to the floor of the bathroom, which i found gross but since it was with him it was alright. he played with his rings for a little while as i stared at him for awhile. jack always told me that sometimes he hated to talk. and that just being there in his presence was enough. because one of his biggest's fears is being alone.
"when does it stop?" jack's voice cracked, as he held one of my hands' tighter.
i turned my body to his side as he looked over to me, concerned of why i'd done that.
"you can't expect pain to just stop jack. i know pain sucks. who says it's a good thing?"
jack half smirked, but looked away after we both realized it was an inappropriate time to think about that.
"what i'm trying to say is that you can't expect life to always carry along happily jack. and i know, anxiety sucks. it eats you up sometimes because the only person you're conflicted with is yourself," i paused as i brushed parts of jack's loose hair behind his ear, and touched his soft cheek in my hand.
"it's never going to always be perfect babe. but that doesn't mean imperfection is a bad thing. you're human. no one is naturally always living a happy life. you're going to be upset sometimes but the thing is, that's completely alright, even though it feels like you're suffocating sometimes."
jack loosened the grip around my hand as he closed his eyes again, nodding to my sentences.
"so just remember, no matter good or bad, i'm always going to be here. i'll always be here jack. look over your shoulder and i'll always be there," i smiled, which caused jack to laugh a little, getting the reference.
"i depend on you," he sung in a whisper as he looked back into my eyes.
i leaned in to peck his lips softly, as jack brought his hand to my cheek, tracing my jawline softly. suddenly he pulled away in a panic, standing up and lending a hand down to me.
"fuck daniel, sometimes when i'm around you i feel like the whole ass world stops."
i blushed as i held his hand, walking out to see a relieved eben who was signalling us to get on stage quickly.
"hurry guys! 15 seconds!"
"where were you?"
i tossed a glance over to jack who quickly put on his jacket, and turned on his mic.
"nothing, just...making...out?" i said, immediately regretting the sentence that i'd just constructed on the spot.
"you were what?!" zach yelled over the crowd.
"i can't hear you so just shut up and get ready to perform!"
jack tapped my shoulder, and before i could say anything by turning around to him, the curtain dropped immediately. and jack's lips were on mine. the crowd shouted louder as jack pulled away, blushing because neither of us knew that the kiss would be shown to everyone watching us.
"well, that's one way to tell them," jonah exclaimed on the other end of the stage, as i flipped him off and looked over at jack.
"all i'm saying it was a fucking great way," i encouraged, as jack reacted by putting his hands under his chin to show an angel face.
"ok so now that we're done with the bachelor let's start the show!" corbyn interrupted, as i elbowed him gently.
the music started playing in the background as i flipped my mic, looking over at jack who was smiling. he wasn't even looking at me. he was looking at the fans. i loved when he smiled. he always tells me how much he hates it. but every time he manages to, it makes me feel more lucky as a person to have him in my life.
"daniel, quit daydreaming and sing your part," corbyn giggled as i scoffed jokingly, putting my mic up to my face, while catching a glimpse of jack's cute smile again. but this time he wasn't looking at the fans.
he was looking at me.