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I've started to notice that practice usually ends when the sun starts to set. As the sky bleeds orange through the curtains, I sit on the floor next to the sofa. I feign the act of writing down answers to my homework when I'm truly focused on my phone in my peripheral vision, waiting for the screen to light up.
After what seems like forever, but only really being minutes, the screen lights up and I leap across the floor to grab the device. Unlocking it quickly, the messaging window reflects off of my eyes.
Asahi
i talked to anika today
Hi I just finished practice!
It was a little bit tough, but it's okay
I think I will come over for one ☺
What did you talk about with Anika?
I smile at his responses, noticing that he had made sure to respond to each tangent I went off on. His last message makes me feel slightly uneasy, but I make quick work of responding, saying that I can't wait to see him and, to answer his question, that maybe we could talk about it later.
"Mom, he's on his way!" I shout, hoping that the message rings through to her. I get a muffled sound of approval back, and I begin to feel comfortable enough to get started on my schoolwork, though my heart beats loudly in my chest.
"If it's something you really want, don't you want to know?" Anika's words possess my mind. I do want to know. But how will I bring it up? What if I don't get the answer I want? These thoughts recur in different variations in my mind, and I find it difficult to wish them away as I had been able to do previously. I end up realizing that I won't be able to get rid of these thoughts, and I try to shift my intentions towards finishing some of my schoolwork before he gets here.
